Sunday, May 31, 2020

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Medical Knowledge Expanding So Fast That Everything You Knew When You Started Reading This...

RAPID CITY, SD - On my first day of medical school, the dean proclaimed that “everything we teach you over the next 4 years will be obsolete in 10,” or something like that—I wasn’t...

COVID-19: ER Doc Relieved Man in Room 9 Just Having a Heart Attack

NEW YORK, NY—Overwhelmed with hordes of COVID-19 patients filling the Emergency Department at Manhattan Medical Center, third-year resident, Dr. Noah Moe Karona, expressed relief and sheer joy upon learning that the man in Room...

Medical Student at Home Gets Thanked for Helping Fight Coronavirus

At 9am Tuesday morning, medical student Colin G was making coffee in his PJ’s when he received a text from his Aunt Jan. “Hi Colin, this is your Aunt Jan. How are you? I’m sure...

Wuhan Virus Lab intern drank Coronavirus vials instead of Corona beer

WUHAN, CHINA - Chinese officials just released footage that show a Wuhan Virus Lab intern pounding vial after vial of Coronavirus instead of his Corona Beer. "You...

CDC recommends Dr. Oz wear “Duct Tape Mask” to slow down false information

Atlanta, GA - CDC released new guidelines Thursday which includes a "Duct Tape Mask" for Dr. Oz to wear. "These new guidlines should have been in place years ago," Dr. Stephanie...

Surgeon Happiness Declared Risk Factor for Surgical Site Infection by AORN

Denver, CO – AORN President Missi Merlino, MHA, CNOR, CSSM, BFD, WTF, OPP, GED announced a new recommendation this week.  These stupid recommendations have got to stop!
anesthesiologist intubate bored anesthesiologist

Try to Blame Anesthesia Now, Buddy

In a stunning turn of events, all it took was one global respiratory pandemic to recognize that anesthesia might not be to blame. “Man, before it was so easy to yell at anesthesia for the...

Desperate Hospital Endorses Dirty Sock as Preferred PPE

CHICAGO, IL—As coronavirus counts rise, local hospitals face shortages of personal protective equipment (PPE). With any remaining viable PPE hoarded in the homes of worried-well patients, administrations have been forced to take innovative approaches...

In Last-Ditch Effort, Federal Reserve Gives Crashing U.S. Stocks 1 Amp of Bicarb

NEW YORK, NY - In a truly last-ditch effort to prevent U.S. stocks from crashing, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has asked Pharmacy for 1 amp of bicarb.

Social Distancing: Big & Tall Medical Supply Shop Finally Selling Its 6-Foot-Long Stethoscopes

NEW YORK, NY—Mocked for years for its unpopular line of very long medical equipment, Manhattan Big & Tall Medical Supplies is finally getting the last laugh. With health care workers wishing to keep a...