Endocrinology

New Journal of Negative Studies Announced

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BOSTON, MA - The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies.  The journal, which will focus on studies that showed no effect on patient outcomes, will...

Raising Obesity BMI Classification to 35 Would Cut Obesity Rates by 42%

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WASHINGTON, DC - Obesity has become a significant burden upon the medical system in the United States and the American Medical Association (AMA) has decided to fight back. Last year, the AMA took steps to proclaim...
insulin

FDA Bans Insulin Amid Reports of Increased Amputations and Other Life Threatening Diseases

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MEMPHIS, TN – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced on Monday that they are pulling insulin off the shelves across the country.  "We feel this drug is just not as safe as we...
ACTH stim test serum cortisol

New ACTH Stim Test Measures Serum Cortisol Every Minute

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Today new guidelines released by the Endocrine Society (ES) encourage modification of the standard high-dose ACTH stimulation test with measurement of serum cortisol levels q1minute for the entire 60-minute duration of...
diabetes

Hospital Adds Sugar Cubes to Diabetic Diets, Patient Satisfaction Higher Than A1Cs

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KEARNEY, NE - Whether due to a prank, sloppy oversight, or disgruntled kitchen workers’ act of spite, but loads of sugar cubes appeared on diabetic trays at Kearney Local Medical Center (KLMC) this morning....
diabetes

Major Hospitals Caught in Diabetes Scandal

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SUGARVILLE, TX - The Hershey Memorial Hospital (HMH) has been cited in a nationwide investigation by the CDC. The investigation is a result of patient complaints to the CDC nationwide.  "There have been many, many patients...
honest patient

Thyroid Diagnosis Remains Elusive Despite Long List of Nonspecific Symptoms

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CINCINNATI, OH - Ohio resident Tracy Murphy is preparing to seek a third medical opinion about her thyroid condition that remains undiagnosed. “It all started about a year ago” reports Mrs. Murphy. “I told my...
diabetic coma

Cookie Monster in Critical Condition Due to Diabetic Complications

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SESAME STREET - Children around the world awoke from sleepy-time to the stunning news that Cookie Monster is battling for his life in the intensive care unit at Sesame Street University Hospital (SSUH) with diabetic...

Endocrine responds valiantly to Blood Glucose of 201

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Local Endocrine fellow and brand-new father, Dr. Patrick Tumble, reports unadulterated joy at getting 3 am phone call regarding a high blood glucose. Dr.Tumble was asleep for the first time in “what felt like...
milk and cookies

Update: Cookie Monster Leaves Sesame Street Hospital AMA on Christmas Eve

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SESAME STREET – As children around the world continued to hold candlelight vigils for Cookie Monster’s health, the shocking rumors that the muppet had left Sesame Street University Hospital (SSUH) against medical advice (AMA) are...