Friday, April 19, 2024

Hospitalists

heavy metal

Heavy Metal Now First Line in Treatment of Symptomatic Bradycardia

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DALLAS, TX - New advanced cardiac life support (ACLS) guidelines from the American Heart Association (AHA) now recommends heavy metal as the first line treatment of symptomatic bradycardia. "Last...
INR 0 ENT

Interventional Radiology To Only Do Procedures if INR < 0

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OAK BROOK, IL - In an effort to completely eliminate the risk of bleeding, newly-issued guidelines from the Radiological Society of North America (RSNA) now recommend that interventional procedures should only be performed once...
incentive spirometer incentivized spirometer

A Step-by-Step Guide on How to Use Incentive Spirometers (or Marijuana)

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Is this your first time using an incentive spirometer (or marijuana)?  Well, you're in luck: our Gomerblog team has created this easy 15-step process to using your incentive spirometer (or weed).  Don't be intimidated,...
limited-edition discharge summary vinyl

Hospitalist Releases Limited Edition Discharge Summary on Vinyl

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NASHVILLE, TN - Fans will be queueing up at medical records departments across the country as critically-acclaimed hospitalist Amanda Snider announced she will be releasing a limited-edition discharge summary on vinyl.  The release will...
orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

Nice Work, Brah: Ortho Note Mentions Horizontal Nystagmus

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BOSTON, MA - Hospitalists, neurologists, and neurosurgeons at Massachusetts Specific Hospital in Boston were dumbfounded this morning when they found that a note by orthopaedic surgeon Brock Hammersley mentioned the finding of horizontal nystagmus. "What...
Super Bowl party AMA Dilaudid

What, No Dilaudid?! Guests Leave Super Bowl Party AMA

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ATLANTA, GA - Stating that the party spread of salads, sandwiches, guacamole, cheese and pepperoni pizza, wings, burgers, hot dogs, and fried chicken simply isn't enough, thousands of guests in the Atlanta area have...
car wash purell

Hospitalist Washes Car with Alcohol-Based Foam

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NASHVILLE, TN - Hospitalist Dana Avery walked into her patient’s room this morning and noticed he was using alcohol-based foam.  Not an unusual observation.  However, he didn’t stop after using it to clean his...
turkey sandwich haldol diets

Ultra Breaking News: Patient Doesn’t Want Turkey Sandwich

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NORFOLK, VA - Gomerblog brings you a startling development: A patient hospitalized at an area hospital in Norfolk has caught his inpatient medical team off guard by stating he doesn't want a turkey sandwich...
npo guidelines acute pulmonary embolism

100,000,000 Miles Later: Santa Diagnosed with Acute Pulmonary Embolism

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NORTH POLE - Santa pulled off another successful Christmas for children around the world but it has come with a cost: Earlier this morning, Santa was diagnosed with acute pulmonary embolism (PE) and bilateral...
influenza C. diff

That Can’t Be Good: Flu Swab Positive for C. Diff

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ATLANTA, GA - In a highly-ominous sign suggesting this year's influenza season may be as bad or even worse than last year's, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has reported that an...