NFL Players Now Expected to Wash Hands Before, After Each Play
NEW YORK, NY - Keeping his promise to "Play Safe, Play Smart" and uphold player safety, National Football League (NFL) Commissioner Roger Goodell has implemented a new policy whereby NFL players are expected to...
CDC Wants to Remind Americans They Can Still Get Their Flu Vaccine Rectally
ATLANTA, GA - With influenza activity expected to pick up in the next several weeks, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) wants to remind Americans six months and older that there is still...
Middle School Dance Put on Contact Precautions
Following the shocking display of "grinding" at last Fall's Homecoming dance, local Gandy Middle School PTA President, Karen Sterling, pushed to prophylactically put the Spring Formal on contact precautions in anticipation of another possible...
Not Quite: Intern Claims Champagne Tap After Sticking Bottle of Moët & Chandon
BOSTON, MA - An intern’s initial excitement was quickly reeled in after his team pointed out that sticking a spinal needle through cork of a bottle of Moët & Chandon Imperial Brut did not...
Breaking: Consultant Called for Non-Urgent Consult at Reasonable Hour
NASHVILLE, TN - First-year infectious diseases fellow Lena Burke burst into tears of joy when in the rarest of occurrences - certainly the first time it happened for her since starting on July 1st...
New Research Shows That Anti-Vax Housewives Were Right All Along!
MARIN COUNTY, CA - Tiffany Davis was relieved today when she heard from her friend Courtney Brown at their children’s Gymboree class that Courtney had heard from Lindsay who heard from Kelsey that an...
Multidrug Resistant Superbug Susceptible Only to Brussel Sprouts
KANSAS CITY, KS - Dr. Carlos Johnson was anxiously awaiting antibiotic susceptibility testing on his 70-year-old ICU patient with pneumonia and septic shock. The results shocked him. The MRSA superbug which previously grew from...
CDC Quarantines Jenny McCarthy
ATLANTA, GA -- Due to the severe flu outbreak this season, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has decided to examine the major sources of transmission. Upon careful review, the CDC epidemiologists...
Getting Things Done: Cough Quite Productive Today
HUNTSVILLE, AL - Checking off its To Do list like it's nobody else's business, patient Reynold Baker's cough is happy to report that it is being incredibly productive today.
"Man, you're not going to believe...
Doc Takes Chance on Ill-Fitting Small N95 Mask Since Finding Regular One Requires Effort
BIRMINGHAM, AL - After briefly weighing the risks and benefits of using an ill-fitting small N95 mask that's already there versus trying to search the ward for the right-sized regular one before entering into...