Wednesday, June 3, 2020

Infectious Disease

joint commission

Joint Commission Riding Out COVID-19 Outbreak With Heads in Sand

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OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL – In the ongoing fight against the novel coronavirus, healthcare workers across the country have been resorting to all sorts of innovative methods in the pursuit of helping the most...

WHO: Coronavirus Successfully Contained to Planet Earth

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GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - At a televised press conference this morning, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced that they have successfully contained the deadly virus that causes COVID-19 to Earth.  Although it can be found...

COVID-19: Thankful On-Call ID Doc Paged Only 43,589 Times Today

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BOSTON, MA - Despite America coming to a screeching halt at the hands of a pandemic caused by novel coronavirus COVID-19, a very thankful infectious diseases physician/epidemiologist who is on call at...

“Hands Across the Globe” Fundraiser Aims to Stop Spread of Coronavirus

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WUHAN, CHINA—The 1980s’ supergroup USA for Africa, known mostly for its hunger-awareness-raising “We Are the World” tune and “Hands Across America” event, announced yesterday that it was reuniting to organize a new charity campaign....

Intergalactic Health Council Recommends Galaxies Stay at Least 6 Million Light-Years Apart

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THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA - The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth. No longer feeling safe at a distance...

Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap

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UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak in a 15-minute power nap, believing he has...
vaccination

CDC: Coronavirus Vaccine Will Be Ready for Refusal By Anti-Vaxxers By 2021

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ATLANTA, GA - Officials at the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) announced today that they believe the new vaccine currently under development aimed at controlling the rapidly spreading SARS-CoV-2 virus - responsible...
joint commission

Joint Commission Inspections to Continue on Zoom During COVID Pandemic

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The Joint Commision announced today that they are planning to continue regularly scheduled inspections of hospitals during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Experts at the JC are touting that the importance for the inspections to...

Colossal coronavirus about to devour New York City

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NEW YORK, NY - Currently billions and billions of virus-sized Godzillas are wreaking havoc on New York. The coronavirus is speading like wildfire. Now a large ominous...

CDC: Test Kits Are Low, Critically Ill & Famous People Only

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ATLANTA, GA - The CDC released new guidelines today to to help ration COVID-19 testing kits. They now ask to refrain from testing for the novel coronavirus, or COVID-19, unless you are...
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