New Updated Hippacratic Oath for 2019
I swear by ICD-10 the Code, by Epiclepius the Record Keeper, by Hygienia in Good Hands, by Pancreas, by WebMD, by Twitter, by Facebook, and by all the other gods and goddesses, making them...
Study Concludes That Anyone Who Understands Acid-Base is a Big, Fat Liar
BOSTON, MA - A landmark study in the latest issue of the Old England Journal of Medicine (OEJM) concluded "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that anyone who claims to understand acid-base disorders is...
Heavy Metal Now First Line in Treatment of Symptomatic Bradycardia
DALLAS, TX - New advanced cardiac life support (ACLS) guidelines from the American Heart Association (AHA) now recommends heavy metal as the first line treatment of symptomatic bradycardia.
"Last year, a pivotal study found that...
Tree Pollen Levels So High, Trees Themselves Begging for Allergy Meds
ATLANTA, GA - It's not just humans sneezing this spring. According to area allergists, tree pollen levels have soared so astronomically that trees themselves have been overwhelming clinics with requests for allergy medications.
"I've never...
Interventional Radiology To Only Do Procedures if INR < 0
OAK BROOK, IL - In an effort to completely eliminate the risk of bleeding, newly-issued guidelines from the Radiological Society of North America (RSNA) now recommend that interventional procedures should only be performed once...
Boston Scientific Reveals New “Drug-Eluting Bracelet”
MARLBOROUGH, MA – The role of proper hand hygiene in preventing healthcare-associated infection is well understood, yet the CDC reports that American healthcare workers wash their hands less than half as often as they...
Newborn Nursery’s Infant Capacity Increases 50% by Hiring Former Tetris Champion
ATLANTA, GA – The Newborn Nursery at Swedish Covenant Hospital has seen a dramatic increase in their patient capacity after hiring a former Tetris champion to maximize placement of babies. Stephen Glasgow, who from...
Move Over Pain Score….the Crazy Score is Here!
Given the overarching success of the Pain Score leading to the opioid crisis, The Joint Commission (for Healthcare Absurdity) has now added the sixth vital sign in the form of the Crazy Score. It...
Doctor Accused of Body Shaming for Recommending Diet and Exercise
TAMPA, FL - In a stunning display of insensitivity, Dr. Byron Myrtle is in hot water over accusations of body shaming and cyber bullying. Dr. Myrtle, who runs a successful Family Practice Clinic in...
EHR to Replace Pop-Ups with Clickbait
The days of clicking through multiple dialog boxes appear to be numbered for healthcare workers using one widely-used electronic health record (EHR). That's right, Meditech heard your negative feedback regarding their pop-ups loud and...