Ortho Outraged Pharmacy Doesn’t Carry Methicillin, Wonders How to Treat Patient with MSSA
WOONSOCKET, RI - Despite numerous cultures coming back as Methicillin Sensitive Staph aureus, most pharmacies no longer carry the ancient antibiotic.
This hasn't been an issue for most services in most hospitals across the country....
Teaching Team Consults Magic 8-Ball for Assistance
NEW YORK, NY - "Will my patient need placement?" intern Jamie Dreessen asked the Magic 8-Ball, shaking it solidly for 15-seconds before placing it on the conference room table for all the members of her...
Internist Able to Hear Heart Sounds Using Disposable Stethoscope
CHICAGO, IL – In what is believed to have been a first, Dr. Dick Andersen legitimately heard heart sounds using a disposable “MRSA stethoscope” this week.
Long criticized for being far better at being disposable...
Dr. Oz Releases New Self-Help Book Entitled ‘You: The Malingerer’
In a bid to expand his clientele beyond weight conscious, measles-loving middle aged women, Dr. Oz added a new title to his best-selling line of fraudulent self-help books called "You: The Malingerer." This masterpiece...
AOL Instant Messenger Made Comfort Measures Only
NEW YORK, NY - AOL Instant Messenger (AIM), the 1990s chat program that arguably gave birth to our modern age of social media, has announced that it will be comfort measures only (CMO) effective...
Doctors Become Obsessed When Elderly Lady Doesn’t Obsess About Her Bowels
Elderly Columbus resident Annette Smith was deemed mentally unfit after a recent hospitalization because she didn't even realize she was supposed to shit every day. On July 15th Ms smith presented to Riverside for...
Product Review: Quaker State Ultimate Durability Full Synthetic Canola Oil
Pros / Quaker State's new product provides excellent protection against the formation of sludge, plaque, and other harmful deposits, improving viscosity in all weather conditions.
Cons / Similar packaging makes for easy confusion with motor oil.
The One...
Mysterious Squiggly Line on Monitor Does Not Actually Correlate with Patient’s Biophysical Data
Recent events in the CICU at riverside Methodist left staff nurse Andy Long perplexed about the respiratory lead from the patient mr Rawlings in room 5132. Long noted that it never seemed to correlate...
Labile Guidelines: ACC/AHA Hypertension Cutoff Now 180/100
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last month, several societies including the American College of Cardiology (ACC) and American Heart Association (AHA) redefined hypertension as greater than 130 mmHg systolic or 80 mmHg diastolic. However, a repeat...