Universal Admission Template for a Drug Seeker
Chief Complaint:
Abdominal pain or pain due to condition that doesn’t cause pain.
History of Present Illness:
This is a really, really annoying patient with a given age and sex presenting with an acute exacerbation of a...
Local Drug Seeker Discovers That 8/10 Pain Gets The Same Amount of Pain Meds...
Long-time drug seeker, Kyle Smith, recently discovered that stating his pain is 8/10 instead of the typical 12/10 gets him the same amount of pain medication.
"I always thought having more pain than you could...
Exciting New Treatment for ‘Status Dramaticus’ Released Today by the FDA and NIH
BETHESDA, MD - Breaking news today from the FDA and NIH researchers in Bethesda, MD. A new treatment for Status Dramaticus (SD) has been shown to be promising in curing this debilitating disease. Researchers...
Study: Dilaudid Administration Directly Correlates with High Patient Satisfaction; Narcan Not So Much
BOSTON, MA - As many doctors and nurses have discovered the hard way, a recent study published in the New England Journal of Medicine elucidated the seemingly perfect linear relationship with Dilaudid administration and...
Record Number of Drug Seekers Expected for Annual Easter Dilaudid Hunt
BALDWIN, NY - The Easter Dilaudid Hunt at Baldwin Medical Center (BMC) is going all out. This weekend, 30,000 drug seekers are expected to show up for a chance to find 1 of 5...
True Allergy Detector, Maling-o-Vision, Now Available for Google Glass
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA - In response to an unprecedented epidemic of claimed non-narcotic pain medication allergies among patients with chronic pain conditions, Google has teamed up with local EDs to roll out a novel...
Uber Rolls Out New ED-to-ED Transit Service for Drug Seekers
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Filling a niche in a market that has been underserved for years, on-demand transportation company, Uber, has rolled out a novel transit service for drug seekers designed to get them from...
Patient Perfects ‘Sliding Scale Dilaudid’ Regimen at Home
MONROE, NC - A North Carolina woman has invented a new pain management protocol for herself, and she has experienced incredible success with controlling her debilitating pain. Anne Erskell hails from a Charlotte suburb...
ZDoggMD: Blank Script
Check out ZDoggMD's "Blank Script" rendition of Taylor Swift's "Blank Space." Doctor shopping is alive and well and physicians watch out, Yelp is here! You can always find more of ZDoggMD's videos on his...
New Dora the Malingerer Series to Win Over Canceled Doc McStuffins Fans
ORLANDO, FL - Children and health care practitioners worldwide are still reeling after the forced resignation of Doc McStuffins. Though Disney’s spin-off Admin McBriefcase is set to debut soon, Nickelodeon has its sights set...