Saturday, July 11, 2020

Nursing Student

Nursing student satire

nursing diagnosis

Is Your Nurse Trying To Hook Up With You?

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Being admitted as a patient can be a scary and vulnerable time. Why not take this opportunity to get laid in your hospital bed, reverse Trendelenberg style! Talk about a rush of blood to...
angry patient

Massachusetts Hospitals to Restrict “A**hole to Nurse” Ratio

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BOSTON, MA - Although a ballot question proposing stricter nurse-to-patient ratios was defeated in the Massachusetts midterm elections in November, hospitals are taking initiative by addressing a more sinister problem: the asshole-to-nurse ratio. Dr. Ivory...
turkey sandwich haldol diets

Ultra Breaking News: Patient Doesn’t Want Turkey Sandwich

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NORFOLK, VA - Gomerblog brings you a startling development: A patient hospitalized at an area hospital in Norfolk has caught his inpatient medical team off guard by stating he doesn't want a turkey sandwich...
iv pca infusion pump WiFi

In the Name of Patient Satisfaction, IV Pumps Fitted with WiFi

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BOSTON, MA - As much as they don’t want to admit it, health care professionals have succumbed to the reality of patient satisfaction surveys and the fact they are here to stay, which partially...

Half Slice of Cake Left for Night Shift

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Keeping with longstanding tradition, med-surg dayshift nurses consumed all the break room cake except for half of a slice. “Thank you to all the doctors and the nurses on both day and night shift who...
childhood obesity

Thai Cave Divers to Locate Obese Patient’s Genitals

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KEARNEY, NE - With options dwindling, all hopes rest on the heroic divers who saved the boys in Thailand to locate a 600-lb. man’s penis, sources reported from Nebraska today.  Multiple practitioners at Kind...

Fortune Cookies Replace Lotto Numbers with Vital Signs

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BROOKLYN, NY - In an effort to appeal to health care professionals who order Chinese food for take out because the cafeteria is closed, fortune cookie maker Wonton Food Inc. have decided to replace their...
Saline Lock Heparin Lock

Oh No: Nurse Misplaces Key, Saline Lock Locked Forever

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NEW YORK, NY - Nurse Brad Frohne remains frantic this morning.  Yes, it has been more than the average level of busy today but that's not his main concern.  Amidst the barrage of new...

Miracle on the Hudson: NYC Nurse Lands Foley in 600-Pound Female Patient

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HUDSON VALLEY, NY - A miracle occurred on Saturday as Cathy Meyers, night shift RN at Hudson Valley Hospital, found herself staring at the wavering end of a fully-inflated Foley catheter. The catheter once...
arterial line circle of willis CPR emergency department butthurt audacity code shift change prior authorization otherwise stable

So Rude: Patient Has the Audacity to Code at Shift Change

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ORLANDO, FL - In one of the most selfish acts of which Gomerblog has heard in recent memory, a 72-year-old male patient admitted last night to the 43 med-surg unit of Orlando Medical Center...
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