Tuesday, May 18, 2021
respiratory system secedes capacity

Respiratory System Secedes, Declares Independence from Human Body

THE HUMAN BODY - In a stunning development that will inevitably alter the balance of power within us all, the respiratory system has successfully drafted and adopted an ordinance of secession, thereby becoming the...
endotracheal tube cough suppressant

Musical Endotracheal Tubes Brighten Up ICU

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Intensive care units (ICU) are notoriously grim environments, filled with scenes of grief and worry.  But thanks to a new line of musical endotracheal tubes produced by Party-Goof novelties, the...
emergency department

Emergency Department to Stock Emergency Cyanide Kits for Staff Use

ROANOKE, VA - Hospital administration at Our Lady of the Chronic Abdominal Migraines Hospital in Roanoke has agreed to staff requests for emergency cyanide kits to be stocked in the Emergency Department Pyxis machine. Each kit contains...
incentive spirometer incentivized spirometer

New Incentivized Spirometers to Pay $50 Per Deep Breath

ATLANTA, GA – In an effort to better encourage patients to do their breathing exercises, a newly-designed incentivized spirometer will pay patients $50 per deep breath - that's right: cold, hard, cash...
incentive spirometer incentivized spirometer

A Step-by-Step Guide on How to Use Incentive Spirometers (or Marijuana)

Is this your first time using an incentive spirometer (or marijuana)?  Well, you're in luck: our Gomerblog team has created this easy 15-step process to using your incentive spirometer (or weed).  Don't be intimidated,...

Girlfriend Loses It Over Watching Medical TV Show With RT Boyfriend

Susie Thompson lost her shit late Tuesday night after watching an episode of the CBS medical drama “Code Black” with her boyfriend. Steve Hughes, a Respiratory Therapist at Little Sisters of Charity was heard...
respiratory therapist equipment

Respiratory Therapist Tom Brady Fired for Underinflating ET Tubes

BOSTON, MA – Tom Brady, a veteran respiratory therapist at Foxboro Hospital, was fired yesterday as he was caught by an eyewitness underinflating endotracheal (ET) tubes of ICU patients. "After speaking with our eyewitness and conducting...
productive cough

Getting Things Done: Cough Quite Productive Today

HUNTSVILLE, AL - Checking off its To Do list like it's nobody else's business, patient Reynold Baker's cough is happy to report that it is being incredibly productive today. "Man, you're not going to believe...
anesthesiologists tone

Rectal Tone of Anesthesiologists Varies with Patients’ Oxygen Saturation

BERLIN, GERMANY - A new and controversial study out of the esteemed Higginstein Community Surgery Center describes a curious phenomenon regarding rectal tone of anesthesiologists in response to the oxygen saturations of their patients. Noted researcher...