PAPERWORK, USA – On November 11, 2014, the United States will be honoring its myriad heroes: the fallen fighters, the surviving soldiers, and the longest-surviving paperwork this country has ever seen. This year, the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) will be honored for vehemently doing nothing about its piles and piles of disability claims.
“These are the guys that deserve to be recognized,” said one veteran. “I only served in Afghanistan for 4 years. These claims, though, they’ve been serving that one tiny office for longer than I’ve been alive.”
There are talks of erecting a memorial to honor the VA backlog for its timeless dedication. Formal planning is expected to commence as soon as the VA starts implementing the use of any technology whatsoever.
We tried to reach out to the VA for comment, but the Apple IIGS at the VA headquarters doesn’t have e-mail capabilities. However, we’ve been told by an intern at the VA that a refurbished Mac G3 has been ordered from Amazon via a rotary phone somehow. In the interim, we should be expecting a statement written in quill via carrier pigeon.
For your persistent offense in the War on Getting Things Done, VA Backlog, we salute you.