SAN FRANCISCO, CA – With his date clearly not enjoying herself and losing interest in him at a rapid rate, local ICU fellow Dr. Jeff Riggs quickly sprung into action and administered 500 cc of 5% albumin.
“Well, it’s something I like to do when standard fluids have failed,” said Riggs after noticing that his date had barely sipped at her Chardonnay. “For my patients, I think it sort of draws fluid into the bloodstream with, you know, oncotic pressure or whatever, and I figured that in this situation it could boost her mental status or something.”
“Maybe help with her kidneys, too,” added Riggs. “The stuff is magic.”
According to restaurant sources, Riggs’ date then became edematous and hypoxic, which required emergent awake intubation on the carpeted floor. Riggs then followed the albumin with 80 mg of Lasix.