happy hour for health care workers
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happy hour for health care workers

All health professionals will have to participate in some sort of mandatory professional development from time to time.  Whether it’s an organization-wide initiative to “change the culture” or a departmental meeting to cover someone’s ass, the unavoidable reality is that most of the concepts advanced in these sessions require a certain openness of mind that only alcohol can provide.

Fortunately, meetings are held at times when you won’t be caring for patients afterwards; sometimes they even occupy entire days where you could be taking care of patients.  If you can’t drink during the actual meeting because it would be frowned upon, keep track of your score for afterwards.

The following is a helpful guide to which moments are the most opportune for expanding your consciousness:

• Drink every time “patient centered” is used to mean “satisfies an insurance company mandate.”
• Drink every time a new, unfamiliar acronym is used.
• Drink every time someone says “core value” when they mean “new rule.”
• Drink every time the solution to a problem is a new form to be filled out.
• Drink every time “technology” is used in the abstract.
• Drink every time someone who has never used a new computer program or piece of equipment talks about how great it is.
• Drink every time someone reads off a slide.
• Drink every time the airline industry is mentioned.
• Drink every time an outside consultant cannot answer a question about your organization.
• Drink every time someone in the audience answers a question that the speaker should know the answer to.
• Drink every time that a problem everyone in your department is painfully aware of becomes a revelation to someone in senior management.
• Drink every time you’re reminded to say “Joint Commission” not “Jay-Ko.”
• Drink every time you can’t resist the urge to text one of your co-workers in the room about something that was just said.
• Drink if the words “Press Ganey” are even thought of.
• Drink if you are told how important you are to the organization and if what you do matters.
• Drink when you are instructed on how to answer the phone appropriately.
• Drink if a 1980s produced safety or instructional video is played.
• Drink if another damn Swiss cheese model is thrown in your face

Some extra “drink” additions from fans!

  • “Meaningful use”
  • “Door to (anything) time”
  • “Throughput”
  • “Length of stay”
  • “EMR improvement”
  • “Mandatory screening question”
  • “We all have to do more with less”

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  • mighty_aphrodite

    You *do* understand that this is a satire, right?

  • Casca

    Thousands of medical personnel would be incapacitated for days !

  • Casca

    I give them a concerned look and whisper ” Help Me !” and pass by

  • Elliott says meow

    “…but it won’t affect patient care.”

  • John Peterson

    Add “quality improvement” and “a culture of safety” and “quality metric”

  • Julie Ann Gaca

    Looking forward to playing this one!

  • D Brendan Kite

    A wink and “How YOU Doin’?” does not count, apparently. That tends to generate memos.

  • Linda Gemmell

    Spell error it drill down

  • Linda Gemmell

    Lmao…don’t forget the “f” words…f in and f out. What about trillion deeper dive and systemness

  • Brett Goy

    Will Hooks can we institute this at the next department meeting

  • Brian Jordan

    Lol. I read this and about died. We would all be so drunk, if we did this

  • Kim Thurston

    Brian Jordan and Cindy McMillin Cole, can we do this at work?

  • Krista Turner

    “Busting paradigms”

  • Michele Walsh

    Seriously….

  • Patty Vadell Lou

    Team member or associate engagement.

  • Elise Peterson

    Hilarious

  • Merryn Partridge

    There is always one kill-joy on a thread. Are you an administrator ?

  • Melissa Black Dieter

    My all time favorite hospital memo, the entire OR Dept received, was on “Perineal Fallout” and scrub dresses lol!

  • Rocco Arcieri

    Just had a meeting where all staff are encouraged to appear more friendly to patients
    “At 10 feet give acknowledge another with a nonverbal greeting and within 5 feet a pleasant verbal remark”

  • Jessica Dickson

    I will absolutely keep this in mind. I hear it about 72 times a day

  • Kat Schmidt

    Drinking and medical profession. ……. doesn’t seem to mix. What happened to healthy living?

  • Sarah Barajas

    Jessica Dickson – remember this.

  • Shannon Ensinger

    We just started this!

  • Shannon Ensinger

    It’s hilarious because I’m in an MSN program pushing one of those fancy acronyms! BWWWAAAAAHHHHAHAHA!!!

  • Barbara Harp

    Drink to ‘hydration stations’!

  • Michelle Porter Gelsleichter

    Every time somebody says the word empower or evidence-based practice take a drink.

  • Laura Olson

    HCAHPS, SCIP, Value-Based Purchasing, Stakeholders

  • Yassi Nasio

    “Nurse driven”- usually means a nice phrase to satisfy nurses because no one listens to is anyway and we still have to get an MD to sign off on anything…

  • Carol Willhelm Dellinger

    “No money, no mission.”

  • Carol Willhelm Dellinger

    “No money, no mission.”

  • Amy Hauck

    Love the drink every time the airline industry is mentioned. What about when Nordstrom’s is mentioned? We heard all about them in the Navy

  • Amy Hauck

    Love the drink every time the airline industry is mentioned. What about when Nordstrom’s is mentioned? We heard all about them in the Navy

  • Margo Lightman

    “Reduction of turn around times.”

  • Allie Nun Ofurbeewax

    Drink every time someone says:
    “Core Values” (administrative euphemism for New Rules)
    any new acronym that’s more complicated than what it describes
    how important you are as an employee and in the same sentence remind you that you are quickly replaceable if you do not follow ALL the rules

  • Kevin Nelson

    I would very, very drunk.

  • Karen Schmidt

    Wait! One more: “we would like to be transparent about this issue”. I could go on forever…..

  • Karen Schmidt

    Will do when I can access “the corporate compliance website” from work.

  • Katie Whitlock Kimbrough

    Audra Arant Choate

  • Daniel Smith

    I would be in a persistent vegetative state!! This drinking game is too dangerous! LOL.

  • Gomerblog

    Do share the new policy

  • Julie Overbey

    This is an excellent educational opportunity. Usually uttered after an act of stupidity.

  • Joan Henson Heap

    Wow folks! We’re going to be drunk fast!!! ;)

  • Rocco Arcieri

    Stakeholders,
    Buy-in,
    Mandatory consult

  • Mario J Carmosino

    Jeffrey Gengler Julie Ann Gaca Erin Ewing Rose Keith Elliott

  • Mario J Carmosino

    “Evaluating that service line”
    “Synergize”
    “We’re optimizing” AKA firing nurses

  • Karen Schmidt

    “NEW LINEN UTILIZATION POLICY AND PROCEDURE”- no lie, just came in an email yesterday. I will need to drink after I read and abide by it!

  • bluehat2k9

    When a candidate uses the world “holistic” during a DO medical school admissions interview.

  • Jeanne Sincavage

    “Process improvement”

  • Jeanne Sincavage

    Too funny! I left health care in 2007 when the hospital Where I was working wouldn’t hire me for a sedentary position after a disabling injury. Somethings NEVER change…

  • Irina Gelman

    “Evidence based medicine”
    “Evidence based practice”

  • Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    This had me in tears while I LOL’ed!

  • Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    Drink every time you hear about how “We all have to do more with less”. I LOOOOVE that one!!!!

  • Patricia Hawkins

    This is good!

  • Juanita Verma

    I am an OT and also I do not drink (dessert is my stress edible) but fun list..especially the acronym one and certain things being a revleation to the sr management. Other ideas: perhaps something about “productivity” being emphasized over pt centered care; also every time a patient tells you a story of how long he/she had to wait for help to get to the bathroom; every time you had to hold your bladder that day or defer eating your own lunch,etc; this more before computerized records but everytime you go to a chart and someone else had it and won’t let you have it

  • Deb Turk

    Double shot for patient satisfaction or Press Gainey!

  • Allie Nun Ofurbeewax

    Drink every time someone says:
    “meaningful use”
    “door to” anything time
    “patient satisfaction”
    “Press Gainey”
    “throughput”
    “length-of-stay”
    “EMR improvement”
    “mandatory screening question”

  • Heide Martin

    Too funny

  • Gomerblog

    Fans, come up with some more ideas and I’ll add them to the list

  • Karen Schmidt

    how about adding: “drink everytime someone says “meaningful use” or “moving forward”

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