All health professionals will have to participate in some sort of mandatory professional development from time to time. Whether it’s an organization-wide initiative to “change the culture” or a departmental meeting to cover someone’s ass, the unavoidable reality is that most of the concepts advanced in these sessions require a certain openness of mind that only alcohol can provide.
Fortunately, meetings are held at times when you won’t be caring for patients afterwards; sometimes they even occupy entire days where you could be taking care of patients. If you can’t drink during the actual meeting because it would be frowned upon, keep track of your score for afterwards.
The following is a helpful guide to which moments are the most opportune for expanding your consciousness:
• Drink every time “patient centered” is used to mean “satisfies an insurance company mandate.”
• Drink every time a new, unfamiliar acronym is used.
• Drink every time someone says “core value” when they mean “new rule.”
• Drink every time the solution to a problem is a new form to be filled out.
• Drink every time “technology” is used in the abstract.
• Drink every time someone who has never used a new computer program or piece of equipment talks about how great it is.
• Drink every time someone reads off a slide.
• Drink every time the airline industry is mentioned.
• Drink every time an outside consultant cannot answer a question about your organization.
• Drink every time someone in the audience answers a question that the speaker should know the answer to.
• Drink every time that a problem everyone in your department is painfully aware of becomes a revelation to someone in senior management.
• Drink every time you’re reminded to say “Joint Commission” not “Jay-Ko.”
• Drink every time you can’t resist the urge to text one of your co-workers in the room about something that was just said.
• Drink if the words “Press Ganey” are even thought of.
• Drink if you are told how important you are to the organization and if what you do matters.
• Drink when you are instructed on how to answer the phone appropriately.
• Drink if a 1980s produced safety or instructional video is played.
• Drink if another damn Swiss cheese model is thrown in your face
Some extra “drink” additions from fans!
- “Meaningful use”
- “Door to (anything) time”
- “Throughput”
- “Length of stay”
- “EMR improvement”
- “Mandatory screening question”
- “We all have to do more with less”
You *do* understand that this is a satire, right?
Thousands of medical personnel would be incapacitated for days !
I give them a concerned look and whisper ” Help Me !” and pass by
“…but it won’t affect patient care.”
Add “quality improvement” and “a culture of safety” and “quality metric”
Looking forward to playing this one!
A wink and “How YOU Doin’?” does not count, apparently. That tends to generate memos.
Spell error it drill down
Lmao…don’t forget the “f” words…f in and f out. What about trillion deeper dive and systemness
Will Hooks can we institute this at the next department meeting
Lol. I read this and about died. We would all be so drunk, if we did this
Brian Jordan and Cindy McMillin Cole, can we do this at work?
“Busting paradigms”
Seriously….
Team member or associate engagement.
Hilarious
There is always one kill-joy on a thread. Are you an administrator ?
My all time favorite hospital memo, the entire OR Dept received, was on “Perineal Fallout” and scrub dresses lol!
Just had a meeting where all staff are encouraged to appear more friendly to patients
“At 10 feet give acknowledge another with a nonverbal greeting and within 5 feet a pleasant verbal remark”
I will absolutely keep this in mind. I hear it about 72 times a day
Drinking and medical profession. ……. doesn’t seem to mix. What happened to healthy living?
Jessica Dickson – remember this.
We just started this!
It’s hilarious because I’m in an MSN program pushing one of those fancy acronyms! BWWWAAAAAHHHHAHAHA!!!
Drink to ‘hydration stations’!
Every time somebody says the word empower or evidence-based practice take a drink.
HCAHPS, SCIP, Value-Based Purchasing, Stakeholders
“Nurse driven”- usually means a nice phrase to satisfy nurses because no one listens to is anyway and we still have to get an MD to sign off on anything…
“No money, no mission.”
“No money, no mission.”
Love the drink every time the airline industry is mentioned. What about when Nordstrom’s is mentioned? We heard all about them in the Navy
Love the drink every time the airline industry is mentioned. What about when Nordstrom’s is mentioned? We heard all about them in the Navy
“Reduction of turn around times.”
Drink every time someone says:
“Core Values” (administrative euphemism for New Rules)
any new acronym that’s more complicated than what it describes
how important you are as an employee and in the same sentence remind you that you are quickly replaceable if you do not follow ALL the rules
I would very, very drunk.
Wait! One more: “we would like to be transparent about this issue”. I could go on forever…..
Will do when I can access “the corporate compliance website” from work.
Audra Arant Choate
I would be in a persistent vegetative state!! This drinking game is too dangerous! LOL.
Do share the new policy
This is an excellent educational opportunity. Usually uttered after an act of stupidity.
Wow folks! We’re going to be drunk fast!!! ;)
Stakeholders,
Buy-in,
Mandatory consult
Jeffrey Gengler Julie Ann Gaca Erin Ewing Rose Keith Elliott
“Evaluating that service line”
“Synergize”
“We’re optimizing” AKA firing nurses
“NEW LINEN UTILIZATION POLICY AND PROCEDURE”- no lie, just came in an email yesterday. I will need to drink after I read and abide by it!
When a candidate uses the world “holistic” during a DO medical school admissions interview.
“Process improvement”
Too funny! I left health care in 2007 when the hospital Where I was working wouldn’t hire me for a sedentary position after a disabling injury. Somethings NEVER change…
“Evidence based medicine”
“Evidence based practice”
This had me in tears while I LOL’ed!
Drink every time you hear about how “We all have to do more with less”. I LOOOOVE that one!!!!
This is good!
I am an OT and also I do not drink (dessert is my stress edible) but fun list..especially the acronym one and certain things being a revleation to the sr management. Other ideas: perhaps something about “productivity” being emphasized over pt centered care; also every time a patient tells you a story of how long he/she had to wait for help to get to the bathroom; every time you had to hold your bladder that day or defer eating your own lunch,etc; this more before computerized records but everytime you go to a chart and someone else had it and won’t let you have it
Double shot for patient satisfaction or Press Gainey!
Drink every time someone says:
“meaningful use”
“door to” anything time
“patient satisfaction”
“Press Gainey”
“throughput”
“length-of-stay”
“EMR improvement”
“mandatory screening question”
Too funny
Fans, come up with some more ideas and I’ll add them to the list
how about adding: “drink everytime someone says “meaningful use” or “moving forward”