sneezy

ORLANDO, FL – Sneezy, a sickly member of the so called, “Seven Dwarves,” filed a malpractice suit yesterday against his fellow dwarf, Doc, for $5 million alleging his medical negligence over many years led to lost wages and severe physical and mental anguish.  Among his allegations, Sneezy claims Doc employed questionable practices in trying to treat what should have been a manageable chronic medical condition, characterized by frequent sneezing.

sneezy“Doc used to prescribe all kinds of things for me, but he had no idea what he was doing!” Sneezy exclaimed at a press conference announcing the lawsuit.  “For example, when I told Doc that my illness was keeping me up at night, he just told me to eat this strange-looking apple.  Seriously, what is that going to do?”

“Furthermore, despite the dust making my sneezing so much worse, he was never willing to write me a work excuse to keep me from having to do all of the sweeping and cleaning.  Anytime I’d start complaining, all Doc would do is sing, ‘Hi Ho! Hi Ho!  It’s off to work you go!’ as he would usher me out of the room.”

“Also, what people don’t understand is that I never wanted to be known as Sneezy,” Sneezy stated later at the press conference.  “Once I moved in with the other dwarves, I played along because that was the name I was given.  However, I was teased and bullied all the time by my colleagues.  No one wanted to sit, stand, or work near me because they were afraid they would catch something.  While I may have looked cheerful in the movie, rest assured that off the set, I was very depressed and I went to bed crying every night!”

Sneezy’s lawyer, Gloria Allred, chimed in, “My client, Sneezy, has filed this suit out of desperation.  Over the years, Sneezy has lost productivity, quality of life, and has had an inability to find a mate due to his sneezing-related medical condition.  He placed his trust in his friend and colleague, Doc, to properly treat this awful disease.  Based on this breach of trust, my client is outraged.  Unable to reach a fair financial settlement, we were left with no option but to seek justice in the legal system to rectify this physician’s callous and repeated incompetence.”

Last month, Sneezy underwent a battery of tests at the Mayo Clinic and was diagnosed conclusively with allergic rhinitis, according to Ms. Allred.  Now on antihistamines and nasal steroids, Sneezy has been doing much better and sneezing less.  In fact, he has been doing so well that he recently filed papers to change his name to “Steve.”

Doc declined to comment for this story, stating through his publicist that he had moved on with his life.  Recently, he was cast as Peter Dinklage’s stunt double for the popular HBO series Game of Thrones.

If you enjoyed this article, please check out the Author’s website First World Emergency Medicine for other great articles.

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