ATLANTA, GA – A new record was achieved yesterday afternoon as Dr. Ken Willingham, a radiologist at Gotta Have Faith Hospital, clocked a 3.98 second 40-yard dash time. Dr. Willingham was performing an ultrasound-guided fine needle aspiration of a thyroid nodule when his patient suddenly developed asystole during the procedure. Willingham was able to launch out of the radiology suite and way down the hall in world record time, even shattering Bo Jackson’s previous record.
“What a rush!” claimed Willingham. “Once I saw the patient pass out and go apneic my norepinephrine stores unleashed a furious sympathetic discharge that I have never felt before. I don’t even remember what happened next.”
Radiologic technologist Kevin Winters and RN Samantha Greenly witnessed the history in the making.
“As soon as the patient coded, Dr. Willingham bolted,” stated Winters. “He sprinted so fast out of that suite and was through the hospital doors and outside within seconds! Simply amazing speed.”
Video replay clocked Willingham’s 40-yard time at 3.98 seconds, and that was with pagers on his waist and BMW car keys in his pockets. A final evaluation will determine what direction the air conditioned breeze was flowing, but experts speculate at most it would have given him only a .02 second advantage at the most.
Very shortly later, the ICU team showed up and resuscitated the patient successfully. “He even left the needle in the patient for somebody else to come put the pieces together,” stated Greenly. “Very helpful.”
In the meantime, the spotlight is on Willingham’s time. He is already receiving multiple offers from the Cowboys and the 49ers for next season.
