Here are some great tips to drive the residents taking care of you absolutely crazy!
1. Start by talking about your chronic pain. Even when it has nothing to do with your appointment.
2. Deny ever having surgery in the past. It’s more fun to see which residents figure out what the different scars on your chest and abdomen are from.
3. Quietly nod yes to every question the doctor asks, even if you don’t actually understand what they’re saying.
4. Start your story over from the beginning when the attending comes in. You can never be sure that the resident told the attending every detail. You must fill them in.
5. Bring printouts of all your online research so you can show the doctor how gluten is contributing to your symptoms.
6. Mention how young the resident looks and how it must be mathematically impossible for them to be in a position with any responsibility. Then watch them squirm.
7. Wear as many layers of clothing as possible and tuck them all in separately.
8. Tell the resident that you do not have pain, have not had any fevers, and definitely don’t smoke, but change your answers when the attending asks.
9. Mention that you are horribly allergic to a medication that makes your throat close up and makes it hard for you to breathe…but you just can’t remember the name.
10. Go to the bathroom 5 minutes after the resident leaves to get his attending.
