ATLANTA, GA – The Center for Disease Control (CDC) released a shocking case report of a patient who rudely demanded that his physician issue medically-unnecessary controlled substance prescriptions.
CDC lead investigator Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram announced, “This is a truly remarkable case report. This patient presented to the doctor with a constellation of symptoms including 10-out-of-10 head-to-toe whole body pain, 12-out-of-10 hair pain, constant anxiety, and difficulty with attention span. He demanded narcotics, benzodiazepines & Adderall. And when the doctor declined to comply, this patient became verbally, and even physically, threatening. In the annals of medical history, this is the first such case report. Quite frankly, we’re shocked.”
Word of this medical anomaly swiftly spread across the country, and many wondered out loud if there perhaps could be other similar cases out there and that the pattern hasn’t yet been pieced together.
“What if other doctors and nurses are being verbally abused out there?” asked Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram. “It’s possible. We just need more health care workers to log onto our CDC website to file their reports. This angry patient even attempted to threaten a poor satisfaction survey score to further cut the doctor’s pay, and then he brazenly declared his intent to sue the physician for ‘pain and suffering‘ inflicted on him due to the doctor’s sound medical judgment.”
CDC head honcho Tom Frieden added: “By the way, this national narcotic epidemic is totally the fault of the doctors. 100%.”