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CHICAGO, IL – In an attempt to curb the difficult behaviors of new interns among other things, the Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education (ACGME) recommends residency programs have their interns spayed and neutered within their first 8 weeks of training.

spayed neutered
“Don’t worry. Seriously. I just got neutered myself.  It wasn’t so bad”

“Spaying is effective at preventing uterine infections and breast tumors, while neutering can prevent testicular cancer and prostate issues, thus leading a potential longer and better life,” explained ACGME CEO Thomas Nasca.  “Sure, this is what we know in dogs and cats, but I’m pretty sure we can extrapolate to interns.”

In addition to the health benefits, there are several behavioral benefits.  Benefits for spaying a female intern include not going into heat.  Benefits for neutering a male intern include decrease marking (peeing on everything), humping, hyperactivity, and aggression.  A neutered male intern is also less likely roam away from the hospital during work hours.

Lastly, spaying and neutering interns can help control a current ongoing crisis seen throughout the United States.

“The sad reality is that there are millions of healthy interns being euthanized every year in the United States based on the simple reason that there aren’t enough residency spots to go around,” Nasca continued.  “So I beg all those attending physicians out there: Help control the intern population.  Have your intern spayed or neutered.”

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
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