trump pardons anesthesia
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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Stating that he wanted to “give this pardon thing a test run… for no particular reason,” President of the United States Donald Trump announced today that he was utilizing his constitutional powers of pardon to immediately absolve Anesthesia of all alleged crimes past and present.  Among the nefarious acts attributed to Anesthesia in the past were creating a disturbance leading to an injured passenger on United Airlines, mixing up envelopes causing Warren Beatty to announce the wrong Oscar for Best Picture, costing the Atlanta Falcons the Super Bowl, and basically being the go-to scapegoat for anytime someone is “in doubt” about who to blame for anything.

trump pardons anesthesiaA senior administration official, John Miller, tells Gomerblog that Trump got the idea to pardon Anesthesia after reading in a previous Gomerblog article that Hillary Clinton had blamed Benghazi on Anesthesia.  Miller went on to add that anything “Crooked Hillary” suggests must be FAKE NEWS so Trump decided this would be the perfect opportunity to “give his powers a whirl” and let Anesthesia completely off the hook.

Trump is looking into additional ways to help Anesthesia, such as allowing anesthesia attendings and CRNAs to take golf breaks in the middle of cases, providing a grant to install TVs showing Fox News 24/7 in the OR, and supplying all breakrooms with a lifetime supply of Trump Steaks.

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  • Milli of Dilli

    After picking up the basics of medicine by watching TV shows, I moved to LA, forged a medical school diploma, and somehow found some success in the late 80’s as an event physician for major Hollywood events. However, it all came crashing down while working the 1990 Grammy awards. While “Girl You Know it’s True” was being played live, a stagehand went into cardiac arrest and I was called upon to help. Unfortunately, as I tried to lip-sync CPR instructions, the speaker on my cassette player stopped working and I was exposed for a fraud. After serving time in prison, I went to medical school and residency and I finished training to become an Emergency Medicine physician. Instead of using this training and knowledge for good, I decided to abuse it to become a professional drug seeker. Armed with advanced medical knowledge, my quest remains to go from ED to ED searching out the drug seeker’s Holy Grail: syringes filled with 1mg of hydromorphone, the so-called “Milli of Dilli.” While I am not drug seeking, I have decided to write medical satire posing as a typical First World emergency physician. My website, with my other satirical articles that did not make it into Gomerblog, can be found at http://www.firstworldem.com and my twitter handle is @firstworldem

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