HOLLYWOOD, CA – In a stunning and unprecedented finish to the Oscars last night, presenters Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway had announced “La La Land” as winner of Best Picture.  But during the “La La Land” acceptance speech, everyone realized that “Moonlight” had in fact won.  Guess who is to blame?  You guessed it: Anesthesia.  It’s always Anesthesia’s fault.

“Talk about status dramaticus,” explained an understandably frustrated Beatty.  During the commotion, Beatty explained to the Dolby Theater audience that he was given the wrong envelope.  “There is only one explanation, one person to blame.  You know who I’m talking about.”

Fourth-year medical students in the United States are hoping Warren Beatty isn’t the one handing out Match Day envelops this year.  Or Steve Harvey.

PricewaterhouseCoopers is the official accountant of the Academy Awards and sincerely apologized for the grave error on behalf of anesthesiologists worldwide.  “We don’t understand what motivated them to cast such a dark shadow on what was otherwise a glorious awards night,” said a spokesperson of behalf of PricewaterhouseCoopers.  “But it serves as a reminder that if something goes wrong in the world, the blame always rests on the same shoulders.”

Only two months into the year, this is the second time Anesthesia has wreaked havoc on a major event.  Just earlier this month, Anesthesia was blamed for the Atlanta Falcons’ unbelievable choke-job that handed the New England Patriots an overtime win in Super Bowl LI.

Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone were kind enough to speak to Gomerblog moments after the stunning mix-up.  They shook their heads, then each saluted our cameras with double middle fingers: “F**k you, Anesthesia!!”

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.