CDC The Cure Friday I'm in Love
162 Shares
CDC The Cure Friday I'm in Love
“Dressed up to the eyes
It’s a wonderful surprise!”

ATLANTA, GA – After informing Thursday that it didn’t care about it, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has happily announced that “it’s Friday, I’m in love!”

“I don’t care if Monday’s blue, Tuesday’s gray and Wednesday too,” Director of the CDC Brenda Fitzgerald had read from a carefully prepared statement at today’s press conference before making the euphoric proclamation.

“To further clarify,” Fitzgerald continued among camera flashes and a hushed murmur among the media, “Monday you can fall apart.  Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart.  Thursday don’t even start.”  Fitzgerald paused dramatically before taking off her glasses and started smiling ear to ear.  “It’s Friday, I’m in love!”

The CDC has politely asked if Saturday could wait, while issuing a stern warning to Sunday that it always comes too late.  Fitzgerald made no comment in regards to this upcoming influenza season, but really couldn’t stop gushing about this day of the week.

“But Friday, never hesitate,” Fitzgerald closed before skipping away from the podium without fielding any questions.

In other news, cardiologists nervously await for a rumored Tuesday, Wednesday heart attack.

image_pdfimage_print
162 Shares

Tags:

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

162 Shares