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PHILADELPHIA, PA – In a true show of sportsmanship towards the New England Patriots ahead of their February 4 date at Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis, Philadelphia Eagles head team physician, Dr. Peter DeLuca, has graciously offered five-time Super Bowl champion quarterback Tom Brady a second opinion on his injured throwing hand, even offering to amputate it free of charge.

Tom Brady Super Bowl LII amputate hand
“Come on, Tom, we can take care of that for you”

“We have only the utmost respect for the Patriot organization, and to be the best you have to beat the best.  We want to beat Tom fair and square, which is why I want to make sure Tom is 100% by having our orthopedic specialists examine his throwing hand and likely remove it to save his life,” explained DeLuca, stating he has OR time available any time between now and Super Bowl LII.  “I could even do it during the game, on the sidelines, if that’s what works best for him.”

DeLuca stated that his ultimate goal would be to save Brady’s life, which may require a “prophylactic and preventative” removal of not just the right hand but the entire throwing arm.  “If the hand looks bad enough, we’ll need to strongly consider removing the forearm, elbow, arm, and shoulder to ensure his torso doesn’t become infected.  Sometime’s it’s more than just football; it’s about doing the right thing.”

DeLuca has spent 20 years with the Eagles, 15 of those years as the team’s head team doctor.  Eagles coaches and players have nothing but praise for DeLuca, and they strongly advise Brady to trust DeLuca and his medical judgment.

“If it makes you feel better, Tom, we’ll be performing surgery on our own quarterback to make sure we have a level playing field for Super Bowl LII,” coerced Eagles coach Doug Peterson, remembering what Brady did to the Atlanta Falcons in Super Bowl LI.  “Tomorrow, Dr. DeLuca will be surgically replacing Nick Foles with Giants quarterback Eli Manning.”

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
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