MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Anesthesiology resident Dr. Rex Fumblenuts performed the equivalent of a strike today by knocking out all 32 of his patient’s teeth during a routine intubation preceding laparoscopic appendectomy. It’s the most embarrassing use of an endotracheal tube since 2015 when critical care fellow Eric Jennings accidentally performed a rectal intubation.
“It’s like he had essential tremor and alcohol withdrawal exacerbated by thirty spots of espresso,” commented anesthesiology attending Dr. Monica Stone, who watched in horror as all 32 teeth came crashing down like pins on a bowling alley. “With the teeth ratting around with each breath, it looked like white balls tumbling, waiting to be drawn for a Lotto jackpot.”
To make matters worse, Fumblenuts couldn’t manage to thread the endotracheal tube down the patient’s airway despite the fact the patient was a Mallampati Class 1 (clear as day) or a modified Mallampati Class -1 (can see the trachea divide into left and right main bronchi from across the room).
“It was embarrassing to say the least,” said Stone, who took a deep breath and then defended her resident, saying that he did deserve a little credit. “The good thing is that when he consented the patient part of the complications he described is ‘destruction of the face’ and ‘as well as anything else within a four-foot radius.’ At least he’s realistic.”
As expected, Stone intervened and successfully intubated the patient. She didn’t allow Fumblenuts to put up the mandatory drape for fear of accidentally strangling anyone in the vicinity. Lastly, Stone recovered 31 of the patient’s 32 teeth. The final tooth was found half an hour later when it was found lodged within the patient’s inflamed appendix.
“Wow, you really hit this tooth with full force, Fumblenuts, to get it lodged all the way down there,” said general surgery resident Tammie Dobin. “Classic Fumblenuts.”