SCHAUMBURG, IL – Not sugarcoating it and calling it the equivalent of medical treason, President of the American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA) Jeffrey Plagenhoef has officially blackballed anesthesiologist Dr. Olivia Eagles from the ASA after stating that she is indifferent to the beloved number puzzle sudoku.
“I’m not one to faint, even during some of the toughest cases I’ve seen surgeons take on in the OR [operating room] I’ve managed to stay conscious, but Eagles’ words floored me,” Plagenhoef told Gomerblog. “I don’t get offended, but this is beyond offensive. Anesthesia loves sudoku, period. Anything short of that is pure hatred, and there’s no place for that behind the drape.”
Two days ago, general surgeon Eric Bowel-Perf entered into the OR. Making small talk with Dr. Eagles as he got ready to make the first incision, Bowel-Perf asked if she had some extra sudokus lying around in the event the case ran long.
Eagles response? “I don’t care much for sudoku.” Those words spread like wildfire to every health care professional in the region.
“I couldn’t believe my ears, I thought I was having a stroke, my hands starting shaking,” Bowel-Perf admitted, raising his hands to the sides of scalp still in disbelief. “I couldn’t help but think that if this was true, I’m now embroiled in one hell of an ethical dilemma.”
Much like a parents’ love for their child, the love between an anesthesiologist and their drape games, of which sudoku plays the most major of parts, is unquestionable. Or so we thought. Within seconds of uttering those words, Eagles was removed from the case and suspended by Schaumburg Medical Center’s Chief of Anesthesiology Dr. James Robinson.
“As an anesthesiologist, you swear to treat Sudoku puzzles with reverence, with higher importance than medical documentation or even medical care,” explained Robinson, who five years ago called for stat help on a sudoku puzzle in a Phoenix OR. “Eagles words are nothing short of an outrage. I would be surprised if she is allowed to practice Anesthesiology ever again. For shame.”