• 2K
    Shares

NEW YORK, NY – In a truly last-ditch effort to prevent U.S. stocks from crashing, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has asked Pharmacy for 1 amp of bicarb.

“I’M LOSING A PULSE, WE NEED ONE AMP OF BICARB, STAT!”

As health care professionals know, 1 amp of bicarb (short for sodium bicarbonate) can be the difference between life and death, more so than any other invention: CPR, oxygen, epinephrine, treating reversible causes, you name it.

The U.S. and world economies had plunged last month as a result of the continuing spread of the pandemic coronavirus, which has brought daily life for Americans to a screeching halt. The Federal Reserve pulled out its policy “big guns” by cutting interest rates to nearly zero and buying back over $500 billion of securities. Unfortunately, these had little to no effect on investors.

“PUSH THE BICARB, HURRY!”

Like the rest of the nation and our readers, Gomerblog has its fingers crossed and hopes this 1 amp of sodium bicarbonate is what prevents us falling into a recession. Maybe, just maybe, the Federal Reserve’s move will deflect total economic fallout and possibly even cure the scourge that is COVID-19.

And if it doesn’t work? Health care professionals know the answer and hopefully the Fed does too: MORE BICARB.

  • 2K
    Shares
Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.