Tuscaloosa, AL- As burnout has gained publicity in the medical world, hospital administrators have been working at a medium pace to find a cure for it. 

“The last thing we want is for physicians and midlevels to burnout and leave medicine,” Tuscaloosa Lutheran Hospital CEO Kevin Klueless BS, MHA, GED, MBA, PMHNP, DNP, BFD, PIA told Gomberblog. “Without doctors, it becomes very hard to run a profitable non-profit hospital.”

“If I can’t make money from medicine despite not having a f-ing clue about medicine, I could end up having to get a job where I would need to actually understand what really happens in that business! That is the scariest thought ever!” 

The mandatory burnout training has been conveniently scheduled for Saturdays from 7am to 4pm. Physicians are required to attend 4 sessions over a 5week period while midlevels are required to attend 2 sessions over the same duration. 

Mandatory burnout training for nurses will be held in 7 hour blocks conveniently timed to start immediately following shifts. To ensure maximal benefit, nurses will only be able to attend burnout training immediately following working a shift. 

CEO Klueless explained, “we need the doctors, midlevels and nurses to know how seriously we take burnout. To the end of this, no vacation or PTO will be allowed until all burnout training has been completed.”

Naan DerThaal
A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal