COLUMBIA, SC – Proctologic Inc. announces the release of its new product, the Recto-Retriever. The Recto-Retriever is an amazing, thrilling, and versatile tool that boasts multiple uses in retrieving various objects from assorted body cavities. Though the name implies specific rectal retrievals, the Recto-Retriever is well suited and adaptable for retrieving objects from the rectum, vagina, penile urinary meatus, mouth, throat, ear, and even the nose.
It has long been known that people occasionally “fall” on various objects ranging from vegetables, mineral, and fruits, to dildos, salamis, tennis balls, GI Joes (that’s why they are called “GI” Joes), and taper candles, thereby firmly impacting these objects in various orifices. Other times, these objects are intentionally inserted into certain orifices, although in many instances, patients cannot recall exactly how that occurred. When this happens, an embarrassing, expensive, and unnecessary trip to the ER is almost always the result. The Recto-Retriever can now safely and painlessly extract these foreign objects from any body cavity while in the privacy of your own home, office, or car.
The Recto-Retriever is an orifice friendly device that boasts a soft but firm tip that can be painlessly inserted into any orifice without bending, doubling, or collapsing. This assures a positive and delightful insertion each and every time. The flexible ribbed shaft assures comfortable, even, and exciting travel within most body cavities. And, when extended, the reliable multi-tined grabber claw assures a positive and secure grasp on even the slipperiest objects.
One satisfied user, Barbie Stephens, states “the Recto-Retriever is a godsend. Now I can retrieve my boyfriend’s elementary school class ring from anywhere, and have fun doing it.” Stephens’s testimony is echoed by many users of the Recto-Retriever. 89-year-old Nanny Goodrich writes “That thar Recto-Retriever saved me a 50 mile trip to the gynogist when my ole man, Earl, lost his teeth!”
Some customers have even intentionally inserted myriad foreign objects in multiple orifices at the same time in order to experience Recto-Retriever’s pleasurable extraction process. The Recto-Retriever is also PETA recommended and safe for humane gerbil extraction!
Never worry again about losing objects in body cavities! The thrilling Recto-Retriever is guaranteed to safely remove even the most tenacious foreign object from any body cavity. Order the Recto-Retriever online now and receive a free turbo turdbuster attachment. The patented turdbuster simply clips onto the grabber claw of the Recto-Retriever and shatters those pesky and painful fecaliths without messy enemas or midnight trips to the ER for constipation. The Recto-Retriever is dishwasher safe and can be used with any lubricant, jelly, grease, or petroleum product.
