DARIEN, IL – In a startling development, a renegade clan of nap specialists known as “The Nappers” have seceded from the American Association of Sleep Medicine (AASM) and declared their professional independence.
“It’s a mistake to view naps as short periods of sleep,” said nap specialist Christopher Doze. “Naps and sleep are very different. Are drizzles and thunderstorms the same thing? Of course not. That’s why we split. Naps deserve equal footing as sleep. Now pardon me while I put my head down and close my eyes for just a few moments.” Doze would wake up ninety minutes later feeling completely refreshed. “Ahhh, that was awesome!”
“Sleep specialists get all the glory, but what about us?” asked Katherine “Kat” Napp, wiping drool from the corner of her mouth. “Naps are shorter and during daylight hours but they allow us to survive the workday. In fact, naps are absolutely critical if you didn’t get a good night’s sleep. YAAWWWWWWNNNNN!!!! Oh goodness! I’m so sorry about that. Where was I?”
The tension between sleep and nap specialists has existed for decades. Though sleep specialists focus on many kinds of symptoms like sleep deprivation and excessive daytime sleepiness and many kinds of disorders like dyssomnias, parasomnias, and circadian rhythm disorders, nap specialists point out that the simple daytime nap has been overlooked and forgotten despite it being a vitally important compensatory and survival mechanism.
Doze sums it up simply: “NAPS RULE!”
According to sources close to GomerBlog, the Nappers cannot seem to focus on a single mission statement and may splinter into three different factions: the Shuteyes, the Siesta Society, and the Power Nappers. Meanwhile, two other renegade clans may follow the Nappers’ lead and separate from sleep medicine: the Sleepwalkers and the Bedwetters. GomerBlog will report any new developments as long as it’s not between the hours of 2 and 4 PM.
