Joint Commission Mandates Extensive Timeout Prior to Initiating CPR
SAN ANTONIO, TX - Citing the shocking incidence of "never event" wrong-sided CPR (commonly known as WroSC), the Joint Commission issued new guidelines today mandating a 42-step timeout prior to the initiation of CPR...
Joint Commission is Coming: Hospital to Change Everything for Three Days Then Revert to...
EVERY HOSPITAL, USA - Hospital administrators have finally cracked the secret to passing the highly-dreaded Joint Commission inspections. For decades, the Joint Commission (JC) or previously called JACHO, but don't EVER call them that now...
Medical Specialties as Game of Thrones Characters
As all medical specialties try to gain control of the hospital, we've narrowed down who their characters are:
Cardiology, you poor tortured soul with a horrible life. Let's be honest, you got yourself into this.
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Genuine ‘Slipped and Fell’ Rectal Foreign Body Victim Stuns Experts
RICHMOND, VA - In what is thought to be a world's first, witnesses have confirmed that a young Virginian man genuinely slipped and fell in his garden this week, entrapping an eggplant in his...
ASA Updates Algorithm to Account for Redheads
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA) released new guidelines that update their infamous ASA classification system to account for the anesthetic considerations of a patient with "red hair." "We experience vast...
Anesthesiologist Calls for STAT Sudoku Help in OR 3
PHOENIX, AZ – St. Joe’s Outpatient Surgery Center’s anesthesiologist Dr. James Robinson was twenty-two minutes into performing anesthesia on a 31-year-old ASA 1 for a knee scope, when he suddenly needed help. “Right away...
Roger the Resident in Tears, Freed from Medicine Captivity
ST. LOUIS, MO - Roger Springfield, a 28-year-old internal medicine resident at St. Louis University Hospital, was rescued last weekend by conservationists after being abused and held captive for nearly three years. Roger cried...
“Rare Diseases” Give Jenny McCarthy Lifetime Achievement Award
LOS ANGELES, CA - Thursday night the 197,788th annual Rare Disease Awards - formally known as the Common Disease Awards - brought the house down at the Staples Center.
The usual celebrities graced the red carpet: SARS,...
Emergency Departments Implement New Triage Form to Screen Patients for Actual Disease
NEW YORK, NY - Myocardial infarction, subarachnoid hemorrhage, sepsis, diabetic ketoacidosis: these are examples of what the medical community regards as "real diseases." Unfortunately, our nation's emergency department doctors and nurses are plagued with...
Report: Hospital CEO Was a Big Help in Clinic Today
ST. LOUIS, MO – Outpatient care sources are reporting that Sacred Heart Hospital CEO David Larson III really helped out during clinic today.
"Dave really went the extra mile," said clinic nurse Wilma Doggins. "He...
