Saturday, January 2, 2021

Emergency Medicine

Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio a Strong Intelligence Predictor

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BIRMINGHAM, AL – Hospital administrators have been searching for better ways to educate patients prior to being discharged.  Administrators may have found their answer in a new ratio developed by education specialist Dr. Henry...

Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score

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JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the east coast after a recent FDA approval.  Typically when a...

Medical Specialties as Game of Thrones Characters

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As all medical specialties try to gain control of the hospital, we've narrowed down who their characters are: Cardiology, you poor tortured soul with a horrible life. Let's be honest, you got yourself into this.       ...

Medical Student in Library Mistaken for Homeless Man

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WORCESTER, MA – Local medical student Jeremy Wynn was escorted out of his medical school library this Saturday by police with the official police reports stating that he was "mistakenly thought to be a homeless man." Jeremy was...

All Caught Up with Game of Thrones, Local Man Finally Decides He Should Get...

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ROANOKE, VA - Upon finishing Game of Thrones Season 3 at 2 AM, local man Charles Cerioli decided it would be a good time to visit St. Joe’s Emergency Room.  "I was sitting there on my...
Radiologist texting

Radiology Reading Center Switching to Snapchat

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VALHALLA, NY - The Valhalla Nighthawk Radiology Group recently announced its new partnership with Snapchat, the popular photo messaging application, to place itself ahead in the increasingly competitive teleradiology social market. "We believe this is going...

ER Places Bowl Full of Percocet in Waiting Room, Lowers Visits

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HANOVER, NJ – Local emergency medicine physicians have developed a groundbreaking way to reduce the number of patients they will see during a shift.  The new policy mimics a common Halloween tradition: leave a bowl...
discharge summary

ICU Transfer Arrives with Hospital Summary on a Napkin

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SALT LAKE CITY, UT - An 83-year-old man was transferred to the University Hospital Critical Care Unit from an outside hospital on Tuesday, with a small napkin describing relevant aspects of his 14-day course. The ICU...

ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids

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ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking in through triage. Just as in his restaurant, a single file...

Man ‘Accidentally Falls’ on Gerbil That Ran Through Lube

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MEMPHIS, TN – A local resident presented to the emergency room with an unusual complaint this evening.  Chief complaint: "My bottom really hurts." At first he was reluctant to say anything.  "He told me his bottom hurt,"...