Natural Dilaudid Spring Discovered in Alps; Drug Seekers Scramble for Climbing Gear, Airline Tickets
GRINDELWALD, SWITZERLAND - A quaint Swiss town is experiencing the first wave of what is sure to be an epic boom in tourism this...
Man Gives Frozen Nintendo Cartridge 2 Rescue Breaths
LOS ANGELES, CA - In a desperate attempt to salvage his copy of Super Mario Bros, L.A. native and first-year University of California at Los...
Charmin Profits As July Interns Sh*t Themselves
GREEN BAY, WI - Proctor & Gamble's toilet paper brand Charmin expects to see profits soar throughout July as new interns flood hospitals in a blazing...
Mood Rings Reflect Real Time Patient Satisfaction
COLUMBIA, SC - Due to lagging patient satisfaction scores and frequent complaints, County Hospital administrators are fitting every patient with a mood ring so staff...
Video: 10/10 Abdominal Pain While Eating Doritos & Talking on Her Cell Phone
We sat down with Dr. Gomez, a doctor who treated a patient with 10/10 abdominal pain while eating Doritos and talking on her cell...
Female Doctors Now Required to Show ID During Flight Emergencies
ATLANTA, GA - Delta Airlines announced that "all female physicians will need to show identification during an in-flight emergency." They are coming off of...
Breaking: Patient is a Rich Historian, Perhaps the Best Historian Ever
PORTLAND, OR - In what is certainly a breath of fresh air, an ER physician was pleasantly surprised to discover that her patient wasn't...
Toxicologists: Spice Overdoses Falling, Pumpkin Spice Overdoses Soaring
TERRE HAUTE, IN - Toxicologists all over the country have noted a disturbing trend with regard to street drug overdoses: while overdoses of Spice...
New “Eject” Button Expedites ED Discharges
HARTFORD, CT - In a stunning combination of social work finesse and aeronautical engineering, one local hospital’s ED has patented the first "Eject" button...
SOL: In-Flight Emergency Medical Kit Just Contains Bicarb
DELTA 1342 - Well, I hate to break this news to you, especially since you were just so nice enough to volunteer and help...