Emergency Medicine

Local Doctors Refuse to Take Care of Nickelback, Cite Do No Harm

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DETROIT, MI - On Saturday at 3:14 p.m., Nickelback’s tour bus crashed into a herd of rouge elephants that had escaped from the now abandoned Detroit City...
er medical charts

Med Student Rotating in ER Always Seems to Pick Up a Chart Requiring a...

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DETROIT, MI - Third-year medical student Ronny Wilkerson can’t believe the number of pelvic exams that he is performing on his clinical rotation in...

Man ‘Accidentally Falls’ on Gerbil That Ran Through Lube

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MEMPHIS, TN – A local resident presented to the emergency room with an unusual complaint this evening.  Chief complaint: "My bottom really hurts." At first he was...
Life Savers

True to Its Name: Life Savers Prevented 3 Million Deaths in 2017

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CLEVELAND, OH - A survey conducted by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) has gotten everyone's attention as it revealed that Life Savers hard...
pulmonary fellow

Patient Surprised to Learn Zombie Doctor Not in Costume

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HOLTON, KS - An area woman, recently treated in a rural Kansas emergency room on Halloween was surprised to learn that her zombie doctor...
joint commission

Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity

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OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission believes that when a patient has “20 out of 10 pain” it isn’t the patient’s fault, it’s...
pot of coffee

Maroon 5 Admitted to Hospital with 5 Maroon Stools

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Maroon 5 is hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center after collectively experiencing 5 maroon-colored stools, including lead singer and NBC’s The...

Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’

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NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest...

Trump Unites Us All with Plan to Build Wall Around Hospitals, Prevent Admissions

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CLEVELAND, OH - In front of supporters at the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump has unified not only the Republican Party but also Americans,...