Breaking: VA Pick Ronny Jackson Withdraws from Both Nomination, Opioids
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the "baseless and anonymous attacks on my character" as well as intractable abdominal cramps, lacrimation, and rhinorrhea, White House physician Rear...
Shark Attack Victim Denied Narcotics
PENSACOLA BEACH, FL - Skip Sanders alternated between spearfishing and surfing, depending on the waves. Yesterday, an errant harpoon from his spear gun grazed...
Ambulance ride-share app launching soon!
Exciting news abounds for those who believe that ambulances are large taxis with fancy lights and sounds. In spring 2020 the new ride-share app...
Man Gives Frozen Nintendo Cartridge 2 Rescue Breaths
LOS ANGELES, CA - In a desperate attempt to salvage his copy of Super Mario Bros, L.A. native and first-year University of California at Los...
Houston Trauma Teams Prepare for Deadly Super Bowl Shootout
HOUSTON, TX - Emergency crews and trauma teams in the Houston area are nervous but ready for Sunday night, as experts are expecting a...
Alternative Blood Bank Offers Homeopathic Blood Products
PORTLAND, OR - More and more primary care physicians have been embracing the curative powers of alternative medicine in their practice. Unfortunately, few options...
Unit Secretary Wins Nightly ETOH Pool
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Emergency room secretary Lois Mare won the nightly ETOH pool at Topanga Memorial Hospital last night. Her winning guess of 433...
Surprise! Ridiculously Restrictive Transfusion Threshold of Zero Associated with Death
BOSTON, MA - In a truly eye-opening study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, the results of which no one could have...
What Are Health Care Professionals Giving Up for Lent (By Specialty)?
General Surgeon: Evidence-based medicine. “Oh, your tummy hurts? Well, let’s open you up and take a look, shall we?”
Emergency Medicine: Dilaudid. The screams will...
Hospital Enacts New BYOD Policy: Bring Your Own Dilaudid
NEW YORK, NY - With patients treating hospitals like an a la carte restaurant or 5-star luxury hotel, hospital leaders at New York Medical...