Emergency Medicine

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100,000,000 Miles Later: Santa Diagnosed with Acute Pulmonary Embolism

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NORTH POLE - Santa pulled off another successful Christmas for children around the world but it has come with a cost: Earlier this morning,...
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Triage Nurse Rolls Dice to Determine Patient Priority Level‏

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Mercy Regional Hospital ER's newest RN Heidi Evans has been having a rough start to her career at the triage desk, where her job...

Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio a Strong Intelligence Predictor

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BIRMINGHAM, AL – Hospital administrators have been searching for better ways to educate patients prior to being discharged.  Administrators may have found their answer...

MMA Fighter Ronda Rousey Hired to Confront Difficult Patients

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SANTA MONICA, CA - The world’s number one pound-for-pound female mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter and current reigning Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) Women’s Bantamweight...

Local ER Hires United Airlines Security to ‘Re-Accommodate’ Drug Seekers

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HANOVER, NJ – The Holy Cross Hospital announced today that they have hired off-duty United Airlines security guards to help "re-accommodate" drug seekers from...
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Tips: How to Suck at Calling Consults

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We all take pride in trying to call in a good consult.  But sometimes you get that feeling.  You know the one.  The one...
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After 9 Head Trauma Calls, The Doctor is ‘Furious’

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BATTLE CREEK, MI – Family doctor, William Turncoat, was visibly upset after slamming the phone down.  "That’s the ninth time today I’ve told her… I tell...
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So You Develop Chest Pain on a Gondola, What to Do Next

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How much do you hate this scenario?  You're taking a lovely ride on your gondola when it happens: substernal 10 out of 10 chest...
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CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys

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ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case.  A patient with no known Ebola exposures in...

Nurse in Psych ER Reprimanded for Double-Vision Halloween Costume After-Effect on Patients

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WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NY - “I do a medically-themed costume every year.  This year was diplopia.  People were loving it.  The people who weren’t falling...