Level VIII Trauma Center Can Only Take Care of Paper Cuts Really
SANDERSVILLE, GA - Sandersville Medical Center, a recently-opened Level VIII Trauma Center located two hours southwest of Atlanta, barely has any resources whatsoever and...
14 More Ways to Confuse, Demoralize, and Frustrate Your Emergency Physician
If the advice given to you on the previous list of 15 Ways to Confuse, Demoralize, and Frustrate Your Emergency Physician was not sufficient to achieve...
Commentary: Percocet Doesn’t Work for Me Because It Has Tylenol, and Tylenol Doesn’t Help...
Thanks but no thanks. Percocet (oxycodone/acetaminophen) doesn’t work for me. Why? Isn’t it obvious? You’re the one with the medical degree and you don’t...
Patient Admitted with Life-Threatening Butthurt Exacerbation
CHICAGO, IL - "Move people, this guy's crashing!" EMTs yelled, asking everyone to get out of their way as they aggressively carried 33-year-old Alexander...
IBM’s Watson Suffers Existential Crisis After Shift in ED
CAMDEN, NJ – IBM is reporting that famed super computer Watson suffered one of its biggest setbacks to date. “After our success in diagnosing...
New Cheetos Finger Decision Rule for Abdominal Pain
ANDERSON, CA - In a bold move, the Emergency Physicians at St Vincent Hospital in Anderson California have introduced the “Cheetos Fingers” sign into...
Area Lactose-Intolerant Holistic Practitioner Has Severe Lactic Acidosis
SEPSIS BUNDLE HOSPITAL, CO - Area holistic practitioner Suzi Budzinsky-Donnitz-Sham-Meyers CPA, PhD, RN was unfortunately hospitalized today. While she has been severely lactose intolerant for...
Medical Students Excited to Volunteer for Studies of Ebola Transmission
SACRAMENTO, CA - In the wake of the CDC’s announcement that we still do not fully understand exactly how the Ebola virus is transmitted, several...
To Control Patient Volumes, Hospital Takes Down Hospital Signs Within 5-Mile Radius
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Exhausted from record levels of ER visits as reflected in recent CEDOCS scores, emergency department staff at University of Alabama at Birmingham...
‘I’ve Never Met a Pupil That Wasn’t ERRLA’ by Emergency Physician Paul O’Connor
I’ve been doing this job for almost 30 years, and let me tell you, never in my professional career have I ever met a...