Emergency Medicine

single ply toilet paper

Emergency Room Switch to Single-Ply Toilet Paper Reduces Unnecessary Gastro Admissions by 60%

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MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - A major tertiary emergency department in Melbourne recently conducted a trial of single-ply toilet paper across all bathrooms and found a...

Study Shows Direct Relationship Between Teddy Bear Size and Dilaudid Dose

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ATLANTA, GA - A cute, little, fuzzy study published today in the New England Journal of Stuffed Animals (NEJSA) has revealed something that healthcare...
red blood cells

Breaking: Patient Taking Blood Thinner to Keep Blood Thin!

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KEARNEY, NE - Kind Humanitarian Hospital's Dr. Naya Statin was in for a revelation when gathering medication history from a new patient Gabby Pentin. "I see that...
Facebook, OD

Patient Admitted with Facebook Overdose

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INDIANAPOLIS, IN - Alice Wilkinson was admitted last night after she was found down by her roommate, convulsing next to her smartphone.  Her roommate,...

Man Cold Severity Scale (MCSS) Released!

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  The Man-Cold or Man-Flu can be a devastating illness for half the population. New guidelines have been released to risk-stratify these patients. An objective rating...
emergency department

Emergency Department to Stock Emergency Cyanide Kits for Staff Use

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ROANOKE, VA - Hospital administration at Our Lady of the Chronic Abdominal Migraines Hospital in Roanoke has agreed to staff requests for emergency cyanide...
endotracheal tube cough suppressant

Study: The Most Effective Cough Suppressant is an Endotracheal Tube

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BOSTON, MA - Cough drops for a cough?  Not so fast.  An illuminating new multicenter, randomized-controlled, quintuple-blinded study in the New England Journal of...

Patient Literally Sweats His Balls Off

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JACKSONVILLE, FL - Patient Don Fernando arrived to Mercy Hospital's ER with a chief complaint of "I'm sweating my balls off!"  Don was passed over for hours...
Nintendo cartridge Super Mario Bros

Man Gives Frozen Nintendo Cartridge 2 Rescue Breaths

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LOS ANGELES, CA - In a desperate attempt to salvage his copy of Super Mario Bros, L.A. native and first-year University of California at Los...
doctors and nurses rate patients

Medicare to Use Physician and Nurse Surveys to Rate Patients for Compensation

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WASHINGTON, DC - Medicare announced groundbreaking plans to use physician and nurse surveys to rate their patients by 2017 as a measure to set “individualized”...