Drug Seeker Fills Entire Emesis Bucket with Noise Before Receiving Dilaudid
DAYTONA BEACH, FL - Deborah Samson, a 47-year-old non-diabetic drug seeker with a terrible but mysterious case of opioid-induced abdominal pain, was forced last week...
Medical Subspecialties as Star Wars Characters
The release of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is upon us. Before we re-watch Episodes I through VII in our respective break and...
Retiring Soccer Star to Open Malingering Clinic for ED Drug Seekers
MUNICH, GERMANY - In a surprise announcement sure to shock both the soccer and medical world, German star midfielder, Michael Schmerzen, announced today his...
Study Shows Direct Relationship Between Teddy Bear Size and Dilaudid Dose
ATLANTA, GA - A cute, little, fuzzy study published today in the New England Journal of Stuffed Animals (NEJSA) has revealed something that healthcare...
ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids
ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking...
Black Cloud Begs On-Call Meteorologist for Help
NEW HAVEN, CT - Finding herself underdressed & underprepared for this torrential downpour of admissions and cross-cover calls, third-year medicine resident and self-diagnosed black...
Prescription Vending Machines Leading to Reduced ER Visits
MIAMI, FL - In the last decade, emergency departments have seen an astronomical increase in patient visits. Either it be a growing population, healthcare...
What Type of Emergency Room Patient Are You?
Take this quiz to see how your local ER feels about you!
1. When I arrive to the Emergency Room:
a. I have no idea what...
Cell Phones Newest Weapon in Fight Against Pain
BOSTON, MA - Cell phones are now on the list of items previously thought to have no therapeutic benefit, which are now being researched...
ICU Team Happy to Have ER Resident Rotating in ICU
HOUSTON, TX - The ICU team at Sarcasm General expressed unlimited joy when they learned that the hotshot ER residents would start rotating with...