Emergency Medicine

dilaudid gastroparesis

Drug Seeker Fills Entire Emesis Bucket with Noise Before Receiving Dilaudid

104
DAYTONA BEACH, FL - Deborah Samson, a 47-year-old non-diabetic drug seeker with a terrible but mysterious case of opioid-induced abdominal pain, was forced last week...

Medical Subspecialties as Star Wars Characters

0
The release of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is upon us. Before we re-watch Episodes I through VII in our respective break and...

Retiring Soccer Star to Open Malingering Clinic for ED Drug Seekers

0
MUNICH, GERMANY - In a surprise announcement sure to shock both the soccer and medical world, German star midfielder, Michael Schmerzen, announced today his...

Study Shows Direct Relationship Between Teddy Bear Size and Dilaudid Dose

0
ATLANTA, GA - A cute, little, fuzzy study published today in the New England Journal of Stuffed Animals (NEJSA) has revealed something that healthcare...

ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids

20
ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking...

Black Cloud Begs On-Call Meteorologist for Help

0
NEW HAVEN, CT - Finding herself underdressed & underprepared for this torrential downpour of admissions and cross-cover calls, third-year medicine resident and self-diagnosed black...
vending machine

Prescription Vending Machines Leading to Reduced ER Visits

0
MIAMI, FL - In the last decade, emergency departments have seen an astronomical increase in patient visits.  Either it be a growing population, healthcare...

What Type of Emergency Room Patient Are You?

0
Take this quiz to see how your local ER feels about you! 1. When I arrive to the Emergency Room: a. I have no idea what...
medical patient on cell phone

Cell Phones Newest Weapon in Fight Against Pain

31
BOSTON, MA - Cell phones are now on the list of items previously thought to have no therapeutic benefit, which are now being researched...
icu vs ER

ICU Team Happy to Have ER Resident Rotating in ICU

0
HOUSTON, TX - The ICU team at Sarcasm General expressed unlimited joy when they learned that the hotshot ER residents would start rotating with...