Emergency Medicine

npo guidelines acute pulmonary embolism

100,000,000 Miles Later: Santa Diagnosed with Acute Pulmonary Embolism

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NORTH POLE - Santa pulled off another successful Christmas for children around the world but it has come with a cost: Earlier this morning,...
apple pager

What We Like & Dislike About the New Apple Pager

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CUPERTINO, CA - Lost amidst the excitement of the new Apple Watch has been the new Apple Pager, which is also due to hit...
nipple twist above-the-nipples

Study: Titty Twist Better Pain Stimulus Than Sternal Rub

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Citing expert opinion and personal experience, the American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has put forth new recommendations on the pain stimulus...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: The Adjective of Pus is ‘Purulent,’ Not ‘P**sy’

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ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued an important reminder to healthcare providers today, reminding them once and...

Hospitals Using Simulation to Prepare for North Korea Nuke Attack

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Hospitals across the nation are preparing for possible nuclear warfare with North Korea.  In order for physicians and trainees to be ready for such...

Mob Boss Agrees to Shoot Man in Kneecaps Before Weekend

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CHICAGO, IL - "I swore off horse races for 10 years, but I relapsed," Sam Hemsworth told us from his wheelchair.  "Before I knew...

Man Cold Severity Scale (MCSS) Released!

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  The Man-Cold or Man-Flu can be a devastating illness for half the population. New guidelines have been released to risk-stratify these patients. An objective rating...
radiologist reading MRI

Health System Approves New Priority Level for Radiology Exams: ‘Insanity Stat’

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BOSTON, MA - New England-based hospital system GinormaHealth announced Tuesday that effective August 1st a new priority system would be in effect for all...
couple kissing

Physician Foreplay 101: How to Seduce Your Doctor

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Seduce any doctor by using valuable information about his or her specialty to ensure total success in the bedroom. Emergency Medicine Go skydiving to get the...
73 miles per hour

New Code Potassium Repletion Team to Revolutionize Inpatient Care

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NASHVILLE, TN - Health care professionals will tell you if there is one epidemic that deserves greater attention than the opioid and obesity epidemics...