Emergency Medicine

Old School vs. New School Physical Exam

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The physical exam has changed, let's admit it.  In what ways?  Let's compare the old school and new school physical exams and see how...

Medical Professions as NFL Teams

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Anesthesia is the Cincinnati Bengals: no one knows anyone on the team; they rotate so often it’s not worth learning names anyway.   Orthopaedics are the...

Charmin Profits As July Interns Sh*t Themselves

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GREEN BAY, WI - Proctor & Gamble's toilet paper brand Charmin expects to see profits soar throughout July as new interns flood hospitals in a blazing...
transporting patient

ICU Admits Patient to ED

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BUFFALO, NY - In a stunning turn of events last night at Sacrebleu Memorial Hospital, Pulmonary & Critical Care fellow Damien Dunlope earned headlines...
wristbands

Hospital Wristband Finally Identify ‘Pain in the A**’ Patients

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SILICON VALLEY, CA – Following failed internal quality improvement efforts targeting drug-seeking patients, one California hospital took on a new tactic for difficult-to-deal-with patients. Like...
joint commission

Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity

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OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission believes that when a patient has “20 out of 10 pain” it isn’t the patient’s fault, it’s...

Diagnostic Criteria for a ‘Train Wreck’ Patient

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How does one identify a train wreck?  GomerBlog polled 1,000,000 health care providers in the last 48 hours and the general consensus is that,...
BS in the ED

The Surviving BS Campaign: Early Detection of BS in the ED

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ST. LOUIS, MO - A groundbreaking new multicenter study shows that early detection of BS in the ED leads to significant overall improvement in patient...
matt lauer er switch

ER Installs ‘Reverse Matt Lauer’ Switches to Lock Drugseekers Out

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NEW YORK, NY – Inspired by the Today Show’s Matt Lauer’s desk switch that locked his door entrapping his victims, Emergency Room’s across the...
obesity epidemic

Amidst Obesity Epidemic, Task Force Creates Glasgow Food Coma Scale

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ATLANTA, GA - In response to the public health crisis of food comas resulting from the ongoing obesity epidemic, the 3N Joint Task Force,...