Emergency Medicine

Retiring Soccer Star to Open Malingering Clinic for ED Drug Seekers

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MUNICH, GERMANY - In a surprise announcement sure to shock both the soccer and medical world, German star midfielder, Michael Schmerzen, announced today his...

Canadian Provinces Presenting to the Emergency Room

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British Columbia: 43-year-old female worried she accidentally overdosed on Gingko baba when she took two times the amount on her way to yoga. Feeling...

Medical Team Sues Difficult Patient for Pain & Suffering

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - Sometimes enough is enough.  A multidisciplinary inpatient medical team at Birmingham Medical Center (BMC) is taking difficult patient and frequent flyer Jason...
Wonder Woman bracelets

Under Fire, Wonder Woman Uses Her Indestructible Bracelets to Deflect ER Admissions Left &...

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THEMYSCIRA - Wonder Woman has been under siege by emergency room personnel at Amazonian Medical Center, but doesn't seem fazed as her Bracelets of...
emergency department

Emergency Department to Stock Emergency Cyanide Kits for Staff Use

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ROANOKE, VA - Hospital administration at Our Lady of the Chronic Abdominal Migraines Hospital in Roanoke has agreed to staff requests for emergency cyanide...
Fireworks

Local ED Refuses to Take Care of Firework Injuries This July 4th

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NEW BERN, NC - A local New Bern emergency department has made it abundantly clear to the town that they will be refusing to...
ativan diffuser

The Makers of the Ativan Diffuser Announce Ground Breaking New Product

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Capitalizing on their previous success throughout the healthcare world by the H-Vape 86, the makers of the Ativan Diffuser have begun selling their new...

Boxing Day Returns: Admitting Services May Return 1 Unwanted Holiday Admission to the ER

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HAMILTON, ONTARIO, CANADA - McMaster University has been at the forefront of Canadian Medical research progress (pronounced pro-gress north of the border) since shortly after...

Patient Suffers “Partial” Cardiac Arrest

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BOSTON, MA—After years of seeing patients who were reported in the news media to have been found in “full cardiac arrest,” emergency physicians at...