Medical Science Catching Up to Fad Diets in New Exciting Breakthrough
PORTLAND, OR - In what is being called one of the greatest breakthroughs in modern medicine, scientists at Hood River University have discovered a litany of naturally-produced toxins that need exogenous flushing from the...
Dr. Oz’s Colonoscopy Reveals That He’s FOS
CLEVELAND, OH - After years of nauseating lies and verbal diarrhea, America’s leading medical quack Dr. Oz finally underwent a much needed colonoscopy today that revealed he is completely, unequivocally, and totally full of...
Fecal Transplant for C. diff Safe, Effective, Gross
BOSTON, MA - In the latest issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, a multicenter randomized controlled trial of 256 patients at 18 centers across the United States and Europe has revealed that...
Hamburglar Diagnosed with Colon Cancer
MCDONALDLAND - In sad news today, the Hamburglar, who amused children for years with his antics and unstoppable desire for hamburgers, was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. This is yet another health setback...
Medical Student Almost Makes Rare Diagnosis
ST. LOUIS, MO - National media outlets are abuzz today with the news that Nishant Kumar, a third-year medical student at St. Louis University’s medical school, nearly diagnosed a recent patient with a rare...
TSA to Start Screening for Colorectal Cancer at Airports
ATLANTA, GA – U.S. government officials said on Thursday that they would start screening patients for unintentional weight loss and bloody stools, starting with Hartsfield-Jackson International (ATL) airport this coming weekend, in an effort...
Update: Cookie Monster Leaves Sesame Street Hospital AMA on Christmas Eve
SESAME STREET – As children around the world continued to hold candlelight vigils for Cookie Monster’s health, the shocking rumors that the muppet had left Sesame Street University Hospital (SSUH) against medical advice (AMA) are...
Hospital Stops Serving Food
MORGANTOWN, NC - North Carolina Christian Medical Center (NCCMC) in northwestern NC proudly announces landmark cost-cutting steps projected to save millions of dollars and generate millions more. This week, NCCMC CEO Laurel Lamprey announced major...
Santa Claus Aspirates Milk, Cookies after Ignoring NPO Guidelines
NORTH POLE, SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SIBERIA & ALASKA - Christmas has been canceled as Santa Claus fights for his life in the ICU. Thankfully he passed out presents first. Details are sketchy as hospital policy...
Hospital Cafeteria Debuts New Tasting Menu Format
NAPA, CA - A hospital cafeteria in Napa simply called The Cafeteria has debuted a new three-hour $300 tasting menu format to supplant the more traditional, quick, self-serve approach of grabbing food and placing...