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couple kissing, pick-up
“You taste like C. diff…”

GomerBlog did some research on a hot and steamy topic: What are the worst pick-up lines by subspecialty?  Here goes!

“I like it when you can’t breathe.”

“I’d love to rescue your airway.”

Bariatric Surgery
“Come on, I know you want to show me what that panniculus is hiding.”

“You’re making me tachy.  I need you to cath me all night long.”

Cardiothoracic Surgery
“Not only do I wanna rip open your shirt, I wanna rip up your sternum and get kinky with wires!”

Critical Care
“You get my heart racing like an epinephrine drip.”

Da Vinci Robots
“I’m not used in the OR, but you should see how I operate in the bedroom.”

“I just wanna examine your skin under the covers and rub sunscreen all over it.”

Emergency Medicine
“I can show you something else that begins with a D.”

“Am I attracted to you or is it just my volatile blood sugars?”

“You wanna go upstairs and do the right thing or the wrong thing?”

Family Medicine
“I’ll do it with anyone, doesn’t matter their gender, doesn’t matter their age.”

“Hey, would you like to examine my orifices from above and below?”

General Surgery
“When I’m done, assuming I don’t perforate anything, I’ll turf you to Medicine.”

“Why don’t we examine this peripheral smear Patrick Swayze & Demi Moore-style in Ghost?”

Hospital Administration
“I’d like you to take my survey.”

Hospital Medicine
“Speaking of placement, why don’t you let me place you into my bed?”

ICD-10 Coder
“You sure do know how to maximize my reimbursement.”

Infectious Diseases
“I just want to swab you up and down, left and right, until we’re both afebrile.”

Med Students
“Why don’t we do more than just flash cards at each other?”

“My love for you is so strong it can’t be dialyzed.”

“The way you talk to me leaves me aphasic.”

“Let me put it this way: finding the clitoris isn’t brain surgery.”

“I’m going to treat you rougher than this Pyxis.”

“See that bag of white stuff?  That ain’t TPN.”

“That’s not my water that just broke.”

Occupational Therapy
“If we get intimate, I can really show you some great hand exercises.”

“I want to gaze into your eyes and dilate them until it’s all a blur.”

Orthopedic Surgery
“I can’t do this alone.  Let’s call Medicine and make it a three-way.”

“You’ll be screaming so loud I’ll have to resect your voice box.”

Palliative Care
“After a night of love making with me, there’s nothing left but hospice.”

“Your frozen section gets me hot!”

“I can kiss your boo-boo and make it feel real good.”

“One dose of me will be in your bloodstream for a lifetime!”

Physical Therapy
“I’m flexible, plus you won’t believe the things I can do with a 3-in-1 commode.”

Plastic Surgery
“You wanna check what’s under my flap, don’t you?”

Primary Care Physicians
“I’d love to see you turn your head and cough.”

“We can go back to my place and test out these new four-point restraints.”

“Not only will you be breathing hard, I’ll protect that airway.”

“I prefer doing it in the dark, but don’t worry: we can physically correlate.”

Respiratory Therapy
“You think an ABG hurts?  After tonight, your wrist won’t be the only thing that’s hurting.”

“You make my loins flare like a bad case of gout.”

Social Services
“One night with me, you’ll need some subacute rehab.”

Speech Therapy
“To think, you’re making me aspirate and stutter!”

“Let’s cuddle on the couch, watch a scary trauma, then let me pack you full of pRBCs.”

“In bed, I’m more overactive than a bladder.”

Vascular Surgery
“Baby, why don’t you let me restore some vital blood flow to that area?”

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
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