‘Arrival’ Heroine, Dr. Louise Banks, Tries to Decipher Wordless Language of Orthopods
MONTANA - After playing a critical role in deciphering the language of the alien squid-like heptopods as chronicled in last year's real-life documentary Arrival, world-renowned linguist and heroine Dr. Louise Banks takes on her...
Peyton Manning No Longer Has The Arm Strength to Deliver Papa John’s Pizzas
DENVER, CO - According to Denver Broncos team doctors, aging 39-year-old quarterback Peyton Manning’s arm strength has significantly diminished to the point where he can no longer deliver Papa John’s pizzas.
“Peyton is throwing more...
Orthopedic Applicant Tears Phonebook in Half to Seal Interview
NEW YORK, NY - By the time Dr. Johnny "The Hammer" Utah, a fourth-year orthopedic resident at SUNY, Empire State, was applying for his sports fellowship he considered himself a bit of an expert...
Orthopod Uses Patient’s Femurs to Play the Drums
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Orthopedic surgeon Jake Crusher came home today supremely excited: it was his day off and he just bought a brand new drum kit, something that he's been dreaming of getting for...
Orthopedic Library is Actually just a Gym
A detailed undercover investigation has discovered that the orthopedic library is merely just a gym in disguise. The signs should have been obvious in retrospect, as many an orthopedic resident was seen leaving...
Say It Isn’t So: OB Dumps GYN, Now Dating ENT
NEW ORLEANS, LA - First PT/OT, then Brangelina, now this?! After centuries together as one of healthcare's power couples, Gomerblog reports that OB/GYN is done for good, with the two officially splitting earlier this...
Trump Unites Us All with Plan to Build Wall Around Hospitals, Prevent Admissions
CLEVELAND, OH - In front of supporters at the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump has unified not only the Republican Party but also Americans, in particular health care providers, as he announced his plan...
Medical Student Accidentally Pimps Orthopedic Surgeon
NEW YORK, NY - In what is being called a “total collapse of the medical training hierarchy,” third-year medical student Jennifer Hutchinson of University Medical School is under investigation from the Office of Student Affairs...
Orthopod Places Intramedullary Nail Into Medulla Oblongata
ANN ARBOR, MI - Expanding the possibilities of what can be done in the subspecialty of orthopedic surgery, orthopod Brock Hammersley has placed an intramedullary nail (IMN) into his patient's medulla oblongata in order...