Orthopedics

Oh No! Orthopedic Surgeon Got Plowed into a Snowbank

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FARGO, ND - A tragedy hit the Fargo area when Sanford Medical Center learned one of their orthopedic surgeons was plowed into a snowbank. "This is sad," Sanford Health CEO said.  "We don't like it when...
obese man

Breaking: 400-lb. Patient Not Actually Big-Boned

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AUBURN, AL – Albert “Big Al” McGriddle has been told all his life by his Mama that he wasn’t fat, he was just “big boned.” When he was told he was “morbidly obese” at...
orthopod bury bone backyard

Orthopod Rushes Home to Bury Bone in the Backyard

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AUSTIN, TX - Unable to contain his excitement any longer with a freshly-harvested femur in his right paw, orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley bolted out of the operating room, tongue salivating and tail wagging, and...
orthopedic surgeons

Orthopedic Surgeons Find Revolutionary Auscultation Point‏

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OMAHA, NE - Orthopedic surgeons of the University of Nebraska, Medical Center (UNMC) have found a new auscultation point that combines all cardiac, respiratory, and abdominal listening points into one.  Their findings have been supported...

The Difference Between Arthropods & Orthopods

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Today, we help describe the similarities and differences between two interesting creatures: arthropods and orthopods.  Let’s begin! An arthropod is an invertebrate animal with an exoskeleton that doesn’t care about anyone else’s bones.  An orthopod...
nursemaids marching

Nation’s Nursemaids March to Clear Name

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Nursemaids from around the nation convened on the National Mall Tuesday to rally against what they called, “years of injustice and unfair social stigma perpetuated by the American healthcare system.” At...
applauding doctors

Ortho Writes Perfect SOAP Note, First No-Worder This Year

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Cliff Kershaw of UCLA Medical Center etched his way into the record books early this morning as he wrote the fiscal year’s first perfect note. The southpaw orthopedic surgeon not...

U.S. Women’s Relay Team Elects to Use Femur, Not Baton for Handoffs

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RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - For this week's upcoming track and field event, the USA Track & Field Women's 4x100m Team has announced that it has decided against using a traditional baton and, like London 2012,...
external fixator

Ortho Stabilizes Stethoscope with External Fixator

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Stating overwhelming concern over the flimsy nature of medicine colleague Louis Lefebvre's stethoscope, orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley has successfully stabilized it for now with an external fixation device or external...
orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

Breaking: Ortho Declares War on Sticks & Stones

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ROSEMONT, IL - The American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons (AAOS) has officially declared war on sticks and stones, Gomerblog reports.  “Starting today we formally declare war on two of our greatest adversaries: sticks & stones,”...