Code Blue Also Code Brown
NEW YORK, NY – According to multiple sources in attendance at, or rapidly emerging from, the cardiopulmonary resuscitation currently underway in room 1214, the ongoing Code Blue is most definitely also a Code Brown.
“Mr....
Natural Dilaudid Spring Discovered in Alps; Drug Seekers Scramble for Climbing Gear, Airline Tickets
GRINDELWALD, SWITZERLAND - A quaint Swiss town is experiencing the first wave of what is sure to be an epic boom in tourism this week, after news broke about a naturally-occurring spring rich in...
New Study Shows Tammyflu Pills Provide Eternal Life
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Yesterday, Roach Pharmaceuticals announced the results of a new flu treatment study which is sure to change the course of the flu and life forever. Their antiviral drug, which is...
Nurses, Doctors Fight Back with New Health Care Practitioner Satisfaction Surveys
NEW YORK, NY - Sick and tired of the unfair nature of patient satisfaction surveys that puts service above disease management, a multidisciplinary team of doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, and physician assistants at New...
Forgot-to-Pee Syndrome Afflicting Millions of Health Care Workers
WASHINGTON, DC - The Journal of the American National Society, Committee, and Association of Urinary Retention and Other Things Too (JANSCAUROTT) estimates that nearly 1 million medical providers are not only afflicted but also...
Emergency Medicine Attending Fails to Admit Old Man, Resigns
BLOOMINGTON, IN - Emergency medicine attending, Dr. Howard Rugers, announced his retirement yesterday after failing to find reason for admission for 95-year-old Herschel Levenstein, a resident at a local senior living apartment.
"We hit him...
Amidst Obesity Epidemic, Task Force Creates Glasgow Food Coma Scale
ATLANTA, GA - In response to the public health crisis of food comas resulting from the ongoing obesity epidemic, the 3N Joint Task Force, which is comprised of several of the nation’s leading experts...
NC Hospital Offers Discounted Craniotomy with ATV Purchase
WINSTON-SALEM, NC - With hunting season fast approaching, a North Carolina hospital has made a controversial move: they have partnered with an ATV dealership to offer a discounted craniotomy coupon to purchasers of the...
Cardiology Highlights in 2014
Thirteenfold Therapy Increases Bleeding in Patients with Active Bleeding
With the proliferation of antithrombotic agents available for the treatment of conditions like acute coronary syndrome, atrial fibrillation, and venous thromboembolism, there has been increased confusion...
Alternative Blood Bank Offers Homeopathic Blood Products
PORTLAND, OR - More and more primary care physicians have been embracing the curative powers of alternative medicine in their practice. Unfortunately, few options exist in critical care settings, where doctors have been forced...