Friday, March 29, 2024

Emergency Medicine

A “Thrilling” Halloween Consult

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It's close to midnight Emerg docs keep lurking in the dark Under the moonlight Their eyes catch you and almost stop your heart You try to scream But the words come gently through the air You start to freeze As they...

Medical Specialties as Disney Characters

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Anesthesia - Rafiki from The Lion King. Most of the rest of us have no clue what the hell you are doing with all the beeps and knobs and when we look it never...
Wonder Woman bracelets

Under Fire, Wonder Woman Uses Her Indestructible Bracelets to Deflect ER Admissions Left &...

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THEMYSCIRA - Wonder Woman has been under siege by emergency room personnel at Amazonian Medical Center, but doesn't seem fazed as her Bracelets of Submission deflect all of the ER admissions left and right,...

Emergency Physician’s Eyes Well Up at Sight of Empty Waiting Room

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DES MOINES, IA - Staring in awe as the final patient was discharged home, local emergency physician Dave Stanfield’s eyes reportedly welled up at the sight of a completely-empty waiting room. “There’s…there’s nobody.  Nobody...
nice patient endangered species

Breaking: Nice Patients Added to Endangered Species List

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a move suggesting they are likely to become extinct unless something more is done to save them for future generations, the National Academy of Medicine (NAM; formerly known as the Institute...

Medical Professions as NFL Teams

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Anesthesia is the Cincinnati Bengals: no one knows anyone on the team; they rotate so often it’s not worth learning names anyway.   Orthopaedics are the Dallas Cowboys: biggest fanciest toys inside the OR and out....

New ABCs of Emergency Medicine, “Airway, Breathing, CT Scan, Disposition”

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - New practice-changing guidelines for resuscitation in the emergency department were released just ahead of the American College of Emergency Physicians (ACEP) meeting this year.  Dr. Kahn Sult-Freely, ACEP’s new-acting President, made the...
single ply toilet paper

Emergency Room Switch to Single-Ply Toilet Paper Reduces Unnecessary Gastro Admissions by 60%

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MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - A major tertiary emergency department in Melbourne recently conducted a trial of single-ply toilet paper across all bathrooms and found a 45% reduction in overnight stays of gastro patients and a...
blue hospital sign hospital signs

To Control Patient Volumes, Hospital Takes Down Hospital Signs Within 5-Mile Radius

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - Exhausted from record levels of ER visits as reflected in recent CEDOCS scores, emergency department staff at University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB) Health System are taking a proactive approach and removing...

To Capture More Cardiology Viewers, Jake Tapper Renames Show to “The 12-Lead”

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ATLANTA, GA - In an attempt to attract a higher percentage of the much-desired cardiology demographic, producers and the host of "The Lead" Jake Tapper have renamed their CNN newscast to "The 12-Lead." "Viewership among cardiologists and...