Friday, April 26, 2024

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Nursing Student Spots Amazing Veins in New ‘300’ Movie

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DAYTON, OH – Rachel Quentin, a nursing student, has a different view on life now that she is several years into her BSN.  Here she describes a recent visit to her local movie theatre...

Breaking News: Attending Surgeon Follows Management Advice of Attractive New Nurse

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NEW YORK, NY - Earlier this morning on rounds at St. Daniel’s Hospital in New York City, surgical residents and veteran nurses alike were astounded by the attending surgeon, Dr. Wilson Hunter, actually listening to the...

Patient Boldly Quits Smoking Day Before Surgery

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CINCINNATI, OH – Local resident Charles Shoemaker has decided to stop smoking the day before his total knee replacement.  "I’ve heard there are many adverse complications with people who smoke, so I have decided...

Easter Not Recognized as Holiday, Riots Ensue at Catholic Hospital

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HOSPITAL OF THE RESURRECTION - Religion is not a quiet affair at this institution.  Morning and evening prayers are broadcasted over the PA system at 3 a.m. and 3 p.m. every day to better...

Nursing Home STDs on the Rise, and I Just Threw Up a Little in...

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ATHENS, GA - "Simply disgusting," was one man’s response to hearing about nursing home sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs) on the rise.  "A little warning, next time before just giving me that headline, please.  I honestly...
insulin

FDA Bans Insulin Amid Reports of Increased Amputations and Other Life Threatening Diseases

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MEMPHIS, TN – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced on Monday that they are pulling insulin off the shelves across the country.  "We feel this drug is just not as safe as we...

Game of Thrones HMOs Going Bankrupt

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KINGS LANDING, WESTERNOS - Following a three-year onslaught of unexpected increases in operating cost, all five major health maintenance organization (HMO) companies serving the Seven Kingdoms area have filed for Chapter 11. Mandy Jenkins of Winterfell...

Hospital Approves Giving Parents Medication Before Children’s Surgery

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HOUSTON, TX - Last week, Children's General Hospital approved a new medication protocol to assist children undergoing surgical procedures.  Anxiolytic medication, such as midazolam, can now be administered to parents to children headed to...

Mesh Underwear Now Under Lock and Key

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ATLANTA, GA - Mercy Hospital was forced to place their mesh underwear under lock and key due to staff constantly taking them home for personal use.  Hospital administrator Darlene Chalmers tells reporters that one of their...

Mob Boss Agrees to Shoot Man in Kneecaps Before Weekend

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CHICAGO, IL - "I swore off horse races for 10 years, but I relapsed," Sam Hemsworth told us from his wheelchair.  "Before I knew it, I was in $40,000 deep with the mob again....