Study Concludes That Anyone Who Understands Acid-Base is a Big, Fat Liar
BOSTON, MA - A landmark study in the latest issue of the Old England Journal of Medicine (OEJM) concluded "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that anyone who claims to understand acid-base...
Intern Immediately Regrets Asking Open-Ended Question
SAN JOSE, CA - “Hi, Mr. Jones. Tell me about your night,” said by the stupidest, know-nothingest, why-did-I-just-do-that intern, Dr. Austin. Austin, a new intern at HarborHealth immediately regretted asking an open-ended question to...
Cinnabon Creates New Insulin Rolls: Insulinabons
SEATTLE, WA - American purveyor of cinnamon rolls and diabetes, Cinnabon has announced a new tactic to combat the obesity epidemic, not by changing its recipe but by offering free insulin rolls instead. Cinnabon...
Intern Has Mild Troponin Bump Over Patient’s Mild Troponin Bump
NASHVILLE, TN - After seeing her patient with chest pain develop a mild troponin bump up to 0.25 on this morning's set of labs, new Vanderbilt University internal medicine intern Melanie Izard has herself...
U.S. on COVID-19: “Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re My Only Hope”
TATOOINE - While cleaning his new R2-D2 droid after purchasing them from the Jawas, Luke Skywalker accidentally triggered a holographic recording of a desperate United States of America pleading "Help me, Obi-Wan...
Diagnostic Criteria for a ‘Train Wreck’ Patient
How does one identify a train wreck? GomerBlog polled 1,000,000 health care providers in the last 48 hours and the general consensus is that, of the following, 1 MAJOR plus 2 MINOR criteria are...
Placement Tips: How to Place a Patient on the Moon
If there's something social workers and hospitalists are really good at it's placement. But every once in a while a difficult placement comes along. In today's post, we walk through one of these scenarios:...
Hospice Agencies Pioneering a Different Approach to the Decidedly Unglamorous Process of Dying
“Our clients customize their own End of Living Plans down to the finest details,” mused company spokesperson Delilah Banerjee. “Their final months, days, and even minutes are occasions to express themselves. You only die...
Hospitalist Breaks His Own Record by Seeing 100 Patients in a Day
Dr. Speedy Gonzalez didn’t realize untill he counted the number of patients at the end of a busy Saturday evening that he had broken his own previous record by seeing patients in triple digits...
Generous Administrators Upgrade Medicine Conference Room Table with Large Plywood Spool
ALBANY, NY - In a show of boundless generosity, the hospital administration has donated a large plywood spool to the internal medicine work room to replace the aging conference table. The room, which once housed...
