Thursday, March 28, 2024

Internal Medicine

patient satisfaction flag

Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Patient Satisfaction Surveys

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GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA - A detainee with confirmed ties to Al Qaeda made claims yesterday that the group operates an American corporation designed to destroy the U.S. health care delivery system from the inside....
Rand Paul

Rand Paul’s Medical Credibility Lowered to Jenny McCarthy’s Level

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KENTUCKY - In a shocking statement released today by Rand Paul, a well-respected Kentucky senator and ophthalmologist, he believes vaccines can lead to "mental disorders" and most should be "voluntary."  In an exclusive interview...
urine foley catheter

After Super Bowl, Health Care Practitioners Ready to Diurese the Sh*t Out of Everyone

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - With the completion of Super Bowl XLIX so too ends the weekend of Super Bowl parties, celebrations, and unhealthy eating.  It is estimated that our nation of 300 million people is...
doc mcstuffins

Study: Doc McStuffins More Evidence-Based Than Dr. Oz

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ANAHEIM, CA - Public health researchers have published the results of a new study which sought to objectively measure the quality of medical advice given by two daytime television shows: Doc McStuffins and The Dr....
pediatrics vaccines

Local Children Against Vaccinations Despite the Evidence

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ATLANTA, GA – A growing trend is occurring among children across the nation: the rejection of vaccines.  It has been well documented that some parents have rejected vaccinations because of a very powerful fear-mongering...
medical pager

Anatomy of a Pager

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Other anatomy lessons: - Anatomy of a Contact Precaution Stethoscope - Anatomy of an American Football - Anatomy of the Ear
reward stickers

Stickers for Drug Seekers Program Gaining Momentum

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CHARLESTON, SC - An innovative new program implemented at Charleston Clinic is successfully deterring patients suspected of having drug-seeking behavior from returning to their healthcare system, giving hope to medical providers that the war on narcotics...
icu accepts patient

ICU Accepts Patient During Change of Shift

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SAN DIEGO, CA - This morning at Southern California Hospital, RN Craig Needstapee became alarmed when at seven thirty in the morning, he called the ICU to let them know about a pending admission...
doc

Doc McStuffins Forced to Resign Due to Dismal Patient Satisfaction Scores

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ORLANDO, FL - Children across America are devastated after news broke today that Doc McStuffins will not be asked back for another season.  Disney execs announced yesterday that results from patient satisfaction surveys will...

Music Review: Radiohead’s Clinic A

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Rating: 4.5 out of 5 QRS Complexes The opening track is called “Everything is AV-Paced.”  It is an adventure in arrhythmia, with drummer Phil Selway exploring the telemetric spectrum, first with alternating doses of bradycardia...