Goop from ER Break Room Becomes Sentient, Asks for Dilaudid
DALLAS, TX - In an amazing breakthrough for science, a new life form has spontaneously willed itself into existence in the break room of a...
Patient Still Concerned About Getting Sick from the Flu Shot
MADISON, WI - Doreen Knowitall was horrified that her primary care physician again offered her a flu shot “Even though I told her I...
ICU Team Figures Out What Their Code Needs: More Bicarb!
NEW ORLEANS, LA - The ICU team at New Orleans Medical Center (NOMC) made history today by becoming the first medical team ever to implement a bicarb-only...
Med Student Eager to Fax This Form with “All That I’ve Got”
NASHVILLE, TN - Only hours into her first internal medicine clerkship, third-year Vanderbilt University medical student Erin Sperling is a tad bit nervous but...
WHO: Coronavirus Successfully Contained to Planet Earth
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - At a televised press conference this morning, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced that they have successfully contained the deadly virus...
Conrad Murray Hired Promoting Exclusive Anesthesia Use for Propofol
HOUSTON, TX – Dr. Conrad Murray, a smooth criminal, has been released from jail following his two-year sentence for the death of Michael Jackson. He has been unable to...
Cardiologist Names Newborn Daughter Lub Dub
ATLANTA, GA - After much deliberation but with much excitement, cardiologist Randy Duckett has announced that he and his wife have chosen a name...
Study: Narcotic Script Has a 95% Chance of Running Out on a Weekend
DURHAM, NC – Researchers at Duke University have discovered that a typical 30-day supply of Vicodin or Percocet has a 95.3% chance of running...
What, No Dilaudid?! Guests Leave Super Bowl Party AMA
ATLANTA, GA - Stating that the party spread of salads, sandwiches, guacamole, cheese and pepperoni pizza, wings, burgers, hot dogs, and fried chicken simply...
The Joint Commission, Useless in the Time of COVID, to Mandate N95 Timers
The Joint Commission’s executive team, fresh off a socially-distanced golf retreat at Pebble Beach, reiterated its commitment to patient safety and unreimbursed hospital spending...