Internal Medicine

CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Plans to Move and Quarantine Unvaccinated Families

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ATLANTA, GA - In a move that is sure to spark controversy and protest, the CDC released Proposition 23.4 yesterday which grants state governments the...
N95 99 negative AFB sputums

Doc Takes Chance on Ill-Fitting Small N95 Mask Since Finding Regular One Requires Effort

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - After briefly weighing the risks and benefits of using an ill-fitting small N95 mask that's already there versus trying to search...
Samsung Galaxy Pager fire

Samsung Galaxy Pager Explodes, Intern in Critical Condition

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DURHAM, NC – An internal medicine intern Becky Lambert is in critical condition today after her Samsung Galaxy pager overheated and exploded.  The incident occurred at...
epipen price increase

EpiPen Users Develop Shock Over EpiPen Prices: Treatment, More EpiPens

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WASHINGTON, DC - Numerous cases of EpiPen Price Gouging Shock (EPGS) are sweeping the nation after EpiPen prices continue to be hiked up by...
pulmonary fellow

Tired Critical Care Fellow Accidentally Intubates Patient’s Rectum

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ATLANTA, GA - “Well, this is very embarrassing,” explained pulmonary & critical care fellow Eric Jennings to his colleagues on morning rounds, as he...

An Internist’s Guide to the Description of Rashes

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Dermatologic conditions and rashes can be hard to describe.  Don't have time to refresh on those terms?  Don't you fret!  Rather than ask a...
wolfgang turkey

Hospital Hires Wolfgang Puck to Design Turkey Sandwiches for ED Lunch Trays

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DALLAS, TX – DOA Hospital group in Frisco, Texas unveiled a new initiative in partnership with Wolfgang Puck to provide "therapeutic gastronomy" for ED...
milk and cookies

Update: Cookie Monster Leaves Sesame Street Hospital AMA on Christmas Eve

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SESAME STREET – As children around the world continued to hold candlelight vigils for Cookie Monster’s health, the shocking rumors that the muppet had left...
sick patient

Sicker Patients Benefit from Reduced Medical Attention

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It has been clearly documented that patients requiring multiple blood transfusions have poorer outcomes than patients who are not bleeding and hence have fewer...

AMA Recommends Maintenance of Certification for NFL Referees

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CHICAGO, IL - The NFL referee leadership, in a desperate effort to address what can only be described as the most horrific officiating seen...