New Vaccination Campaign Seeks to Eradicate Anti-Vax Movement by 2030
WASHINGTON, DC—Jenny McCarthy, once famous for a spread of nude photos in Playboy and now for causing the spread of measles in the US, is apoplectic over a new vaccination bill that experts believe...
Phew! Lung Biopsy Notes Healthy Diaphragm & Liver Tissue
AUSTIN, TX - A patient in Austin is relieved to learn this morning that her lung biopsy results showed nothing but the presence of healthy diaphragmatic tissue and normal liver parenchyma. The pathology...
Patient Formally Diagnosed as Acute on Chronic Hot Mess
SANTA FE, NM - After a battery of laboratory tests, radiographic imaging, and subspecialty consultations, a team of health care professionals has formally diagnosed their medically complex patient as an acute on chronic hot...
In Move To Further Gender Equality, HERpes To Be Renamed HIMpes
With the gender specific city code revolution ongoing in Berkeley, California, the landscape of our language is drastically changing. Physicians throughout the country are voicing concerns that certain inherently exclusionary medical terms are causing...
Surgeon General Turfs Public Health to Hospitalist General
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the complex medical comorbidity of our country's citizens, Surgeon General Jerome Adams has turfed the public health to Hospitalist General Alice Stevens.
"There is no surgical intervention indicated at this time,...
Unprepared Patient Cramming for Tomorrow’s Rectal Exam
AUBURN, AL - Forever the procrastinator, nervous and unprepared patient Johnny Sanders has started cramming for tomorrow's rectal exam in the hopes he can pass.
"This happens to me every time!" Sanders frantically tells...
Breaking: Patient with Paper Cut Made DNR
MIAMI, FL - Telling her patient that death is imminent in these situations, a palliative care nurse practitioner has made his 24-year-old healthy patient with a paper cut DNR, and preparations are being made...
Patient Undergoes Successful Prophylactic Cardiac Resection
NASHVILLE, TN - A patient has undergone successful prophylactic cardiac resection at Nashville Medical Center today in a “very proactive effort" to mitigate any future chance of developing cardiovascular disease, Gomerblog reports.
Cardiac resection is...
Breaking: ABIM Requires Daily Recertification
PHILADELPHIA, PA - In a move that will most certainly not be received well by the medical community, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) will now require that physicians undergo daily recertification in...
Admitting Physician Denied Entry into VIP Patient Room
NEW YORK, NY—Very important persons, so-called VIPs, get special treatment wherever they go, and their experience at hospitals is no different. Sources tell us that on Saturday night, a famous male celebrity admitted to...