New Vaccination Campaign Seeks to Eradicate Anti-Vax Movement by 2030
WASHINGTON, DC—Jenny McCarthy, once famous for a spread of nude photos in Playboy and now for causing the spread of measles in the US,...
Phew! Lung Biopsy Notes Healthy Diaphragm & Liver Tissue
AUSTIN, TX - A patient in Austin is relieved to learn this morning that her lung biopsy results showed nothing but the presence of...
Patient Formally Diagnosed as Acute on Chronic Hot Mess
SANTA FE, NM - After a battery of laboratory tests, radiographic imaging, and subspecialty consultations, a team of health care professionals has formally diagnosed...
In Move To Further Gender Equality, HERpes To Be Renamed HIMpes
With the gender specific city code revolution ongoing in Berkeley, California, the landscape of our language is drastically changing. Physicians throughout the country are...
Surgeon General Turfs Public Health to Hospitalist General
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the complex medical comorbidity of our country's citizens, Surgeon General Jerome Adams has turfed the public health to Hospitalist General...
Unprepared Patient Cramming for Tomorrow’s Rectal Exam
AUBURN, AL - Forever the procrastinator, nervous and unprepared patient Johnny Sanders has started cramming for tomorrow's rectal exam in the hopes he can...
Breaking: Patient with Paper Cut Made DNR
MIAMI, FL - Telling her patient that death is imminent in these situations, a palliative care nurse practitioner has made his 24-year-old healthy patient...
Patient Undergoes Successful Prophylactic Cardiac Resection
NASHVILLE, TN - A patient has undergone successful prophylactic cardiac resection at Nashville Medical Center today in a “very proactive effort" to mitigate any...
Breaking: ABIM Requires Daily Recertification
PHILADELPHIA, PA - In a move that will most certainly not be received well by the medical community, the American Board of Internal Medicine...
Admitting Physician Denied Entry into VIP Patient Room
NEW YORK, NY—Very important persons, so-called VIPs, get special treatment wherever they go, and their experience at hospitals is no different. Sources tell us...