Area Doctor Now Apologizes Before Every Consult
MARKERSBURG, TN - Dr. Lois Siento thinks she has the key to improving relationships between primary teams and consultants.
"It's simple," she explains. "We give consultant business. Consultants like to get cases from us that...
Amazing! Instant Pot Turns Graham Crackers Into Beef Stroganoff
DALLAS, TX - Score another big win for Instant Pot and its followers: Following a brutal overnight call, second-year internal medicine resident and Instant Pot owner, Dustin Andrews, discovered that the Instant Pot can...
United Airlines Introduces Seats That Go Into Trendelenburg
CHICAGO, IL - Seeking new ways to remain controversial and constantly in the news, United Airlines has announced it is has replaced passenger seats with brand new seats that go all the way into...
Racehorse Confirms He’s Peeing Like a Human on Lasix
LOUISVILLE, KY - A 4-year-old thoroughbred and racehorse named I's & O's has confirmed with Gomerblog that he is not only peeing but peeing profusely, like a human on Lasix (furosemide).
"No question, I'm urinating...
Vader Displeased with Readmissions, Delinquent Discharge Summaries
MED-SURG UNIT, DEATH STAR MEDICAL CENTER, DEATH STAR - We have received word from the Rebel Alliance that Darth Vader has been distracted and displeased by the woeful readmission and length-of-stay metrics reported at last...
Breaking: VA Pick Ronny Jackson Withdraws from Both Nomination, Opioids
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the "baseless and anonymous attacks on my character" as well as intractable abdominal cramps, lacrimation, and rhinorrhea, White House physician Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson has announced he is withdrawing from both...
CDC Quarantines Jenny McCarthy
ATLANTA, GA -- Due to the severe flu outbreak this season, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has decided to examine the major sources of transmission. Upon careful review, the CDC epidemiologists...
New Seizure Dogs Give Rectal Peanut Butter Diastat
Amidst the recent overhaul of policies regarding service animals, the National Service Animal Society (NSAS) has announced a new type of service animal who has completed training and is ready to serve: Dogs who...
Goat Sacrifice to Ba’al Replaces Medicine Rounds, No Change in Patient Outcomes
During the seventh hour of internal medicine rounds one day, Dr. Frownalot had an intriguing idea. After hearing the resident present a patient with hypertension mentioned as the first problem, “Lymes” as the sixth,...
Branding Transparency: Fogo de Chão Renames Itself Fogo de Gout
DALLAS, TX - In an effort to increase transparency to its loyal customers, the beloved Brazilian steakhouse, Fogo de Chão, has announced it will rebrand and rename itself the more accurate Fogo de Gout.
"People come...