Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Pulmonology

hipster beard super bacteria

Hipster Pulmonologist replaces Pulmonary Toilet with Pulmonary Bidet

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania— A local Pulm-Crit PGY4 said he will “never go back to traditional pulmonary toileting” after trying pulmonary bidet. As he excitedly and repeatedly told his co-residents, pulmonary bidet provides better postural drainage and...
mucous plugs

Pulmonologist Says Sucking Out Mucous Plugs is What He Lives For

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BOSTON, MA - It's a rainy day. It's cold out. Dr. Bailey Corgan, a pulmonologist at Massachusetts Specific Hospital (MSH), is drenched and freezing because he forgot his umbrella. ...

AMA Admits ‘We Are in the Pocket of Big Oxygen,’ Issues Formal Apology to...

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Anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theorists, naturalists, you had it right all along. Our rampant greed as medical providers knows no bounds. You have called us out time and time again for being in the pocket of...
hypoxemic Blue Journal pink

Hypoxemic Blue Journal Oxygenated Back to a Healthy Pink

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NEW YORK, NY - The chronically-hypoxemic Blue Journal, also known as the American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine, has finally been adequately oxygenated and has now turned into a nice, healthy pink...
incentive spirometer incentivized spirometer

New Incentivized Spirometers to Pay $50 Per Deep Breath

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ATLANTA, GA – In an effort to better encourage patients to do their breathing exercises, a newly-designed incentivized spirometer will pay patients $50 per deep breath - that's right: cold, hard, cash...

Intern Inadvertently Orders Negative Pressure Ventilation; Patient Placed in Iron Lung

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DALLAS, TX - While placing orders on rounds, intern TooMany Orders clicked over to the Respiratory section in the hospital’s surprisingly thorough EMR. The patient was having difficulty breathing, and he needed to place...
acid-base disorders

Study Concludes That Anyone Who Understands Acid-Base is a Big, Fat Liar

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BOSTON, MA - A landmark study in the latest issue of the Old England Journal of Medicine (OEJM) concluded "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that anyone who claims to understand acid-base...
incentive spirometer incentivized spirometer

A Step-by-Step Guide on How to Use Incentive Spirometers (or Marijuana)

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Is this your first time using an incentive spirometer (or marijuana)?  Well, you're in luck: our Gomerblog team has created this easy 15-step process to using your incentive spirometer (or weed).  Don't be intimidated,...

RN Too Terrified of N95 Fit Testing Instructor to Admit Tasting Bitter Spray

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COMMUNITY HOSPITAL - RN Maria did not speak up when her N95 mask didn’t fit properly due to feeling intimidated by her instructor, Cara, thereby forfeiting her one annual chance to learn how to correctly...
Mr. Peanut

Breaking: Mr. Peanut Allergic to Himself

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PITTSBURGH, PA - Unfortunate news today as the Kraft Heinz Company announced that one of its most beloved mascots, Planters' Mr. Peanut, has been diagnosed with a peanut allergy. "This is a very unusual case...
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