Restaurant Patrons Sickened After Eavesdropping on Medical Professionals During Meal
HAMDEN, CT - It was a chaotic scene at the local 24-hour diner as a mass casualty incident (MCI) requiring the response of multiple surrounding ambulance companies was declared during the dinner-time rush earlier...
Charting is Independent Risk Factor for DVT and PE, Study Finds
ROCHESTER, MN - Recognizing it is a form of immobilization in which health care professionals are unable to move around much, a study newly published in the Mayo Clinic Proceedings found that charting and documentation in an...
Patient Demands Nurse Change The Weather
BALTIMORE, MD - Patient Amanda Stanley was having a terrible day: her appendix had ruptured, her hospital gown was unflattering, and she was assigned to a hospital room with a drab view of the...
SHITSTORM Red Flag Phrases During Patient Turnover
DJIBOUTI, DJIBOUTI - The 5th annual Seminar of Hospital Internists Technologists Surgeons Traumatologists Others RNs and More (SHITSTORM) convention resulted in the drafting of a landmark document detailing the most common phrases heard in...
‘This 1500-Calorie Diabetic Renal Diet is Delicious!’ Said No One in the History of...
COAST-TO-COAST, AMERICA - "Well, I'll be damned! This low-fat, low-sodium, low-cholesterol, low-potassium, 1500-calorie, diabetic, and renal diet is absolutely delicious!" said no hospitalized patient ever in the history of health care.
None of these patients, whether...
CDC Recommends Against Finding Hypodermic Needles in a Haystack
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says there is minimal risk associated with the search for a regular needle in a haystack, but that Americans should absolutely draw the line...
Teaching Team Consults Magic 8-Ball for Assistance
NEW YORK, NY - "Will my patient need placement?" intern Jamie Dreessen asked the Magic 8-Ball, shaking it solidly for 15-seconds before placing it on the conference room table for all the members of her...
Mysterious Squiggly Line on Monitor Does Not Actually Correlate with Patient’s Biophysical Data
Recent events in the CICU at riverside Methodist left staff nurse Andy Long perplexed about the respiratory lead from the patient mr Rawlings in room 5132. Long noted that it never seemed to correlate...
CDC Recommends Not Tying Gown in Back to Promote Airflow Through Ass Crack
ATLANTA, GA - After a thorough review of the evidence, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) will make the formal recommendation that hospital gowns no longer be tied in the back in...
Hero Nurse Wins the Coveted Golden Bladder Award
MOUNT CARMEL, PA - Local ER nurse Jada Adams was recently recognized for her uncanny ability to retain large amounts of urine in her bladder for long periods of time. Jada’s amazing skill came...