Thursday, March 28, 2024

OB-GYN

Pregnant

Study Linking Tylenol Use During Pregnancy and ADHD Partially Funded by Motrin

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NEW YORK - The FDA is now issuing an urgent warning against the recently released study in JAMA Pediatrics linking Tylenol use during pregnancy to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).  The study which was...

Fertilized Hipster Egg Decides Uterus “Just Not My Style,” Moves to Abdomen

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ABDOMEN, FEMALE PATIENT – Yesterday, a recently-fertilized hipster egg decided that the uterus "just wasn’t my style" and it squeaked out towards the abdomen to find a better place to settle down. "Yeah, the uterus is just so cliché,...

Baby Finds His Umbilical Cord, Passes Out

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UTERUS - Local uterine baby, Baby Dennis, told reporters yesterday he just found a long umbilical cord floating around his head. "This long cord is just floating in front of me and when I squeeze it...
Teratoma

Tooth Fairy Refusing to Take Teeth from a Teratoma

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JACKSONVILLE, FL – Monday, Brittany Friedly underwent surgery to remove a mass on her left ovary.  It was a teratoma that contained hair and 7 gnarly teeth.  “When they told me what was in my tummy, I about...

Hospitals Now Joining Black Friday Frenzy

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NEW YORK, NY - Black Friday is hitting America very soon.  Stores are now opening their doors almost immediately after millions of Americans finish off eating their pies on Thanksgiving Day where only the chosen are able...
afternoon after

FDA Approves Afternoon-After Pill

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INTERCOURSE, PA - “Let’s face it: no one is getting up in the morning after an accident,” said a representative from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) late last night. The FDA recently waived the need for...

Doula Organization Claims Medical Legitimacy

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SAN DIEGO, CA - Craig Hartford, spokesman for the Doula Association of Southern California (DASC), released a statement last week claiming that doulas had at last achieved medical legitimacy. Mr. Hartford is referring to an incident...

Queen Elizabeth Gets IUD Removed, Ready to Have Another Royal Baby

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LONDON, ENGLAND – Sources close to the Queen of England, Elizabeth II, say the Queen is ready to have another royal baby.  She has already had her intrauterine device (IUD), a very effect form...

New Study Shows Father’s Breast Milk Improves Babies’ Intelligence over Mother’s Breast Milk

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DENVER, CO – AstraZeneca recently announced that its new drug, Milkaman, was approved by the FDA for male breastfeeding.  This novel drug causes pectoral muscle cells in men to produce breast milk. Originally a failed drug for women, it...
APGAR 10 Apgart Apgar(t) troponin troponins

Royal Baby Born, London Mother Self-Delivers

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LONDON, ENGLAND – With the entire world watching, the Royal Baby was born at 4:24 p.m., weighing 8 pounds, 6 ounces, APGARS 8 and 9, points taken for color and tone.  Every second of the...