Thursday, June 24, 2021

Primary Care

cheetos sign

New Cheetos Finger Decision Rule for Abdominal Pain

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ANDERSON, CA - In a bold move, the Emergency Physicians at St Vincent Hospital in Anderson California have introduced the “Cheetos Fingers” sign into their diagnostic decision making algorithm. The high costs of abdominal...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Quarantines Jenny McCarthy

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ATLANTA, GA -- Due to the severe flu outbreak this season, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has decided to examine the major sources of transmission. Upon careful review, the CDC epidemiologists...
mars essential oils

Mars Probe Discovers River of Essential Oils

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WASHINGTON:  Surprising revelations keep coming from the red planet, as NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (MRO) was able to direct one of the Mars surface rovers to a river it spotted last week.  The rover...
rate my patients

Physicians Flock to New RateMyPatient.com Website

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SAN DIEGO, CA - A popular new website launched in response to RateMDs.com now allows physicians to review their patients, providing a resource for new physicians to ensure they pick up only the best patients. "I’ve...
condom, syringes

New Cracker Jack ‘Toys’ Include Condoms, Clean Syringes

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PLANO, TX - Frito-Lay has just announced "Good fun!" in the form of a limited edition of Cracker Jack Chocolate & Caramel Flavored Popcorn, in which the "Toy Surprise" will be geared towards adults and...

Low | A Clinic Jam | ZDoggMD

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Shorty had them apple bottom scrubs, crocs with tha' furrrrrr... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JebtfG4180 Join the outpatient Health 3.0 revolution at http://facebook.com/zdoggmd Single available on iTunes, Amazon, and more: http://itunes.apple.com/album/id11619...

New Attending Receives First Paycheck, Transforms into Fully Developed Republican

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WATERLOO, IA - Shortly after receiving his first paycheck, Trent Perry, a physician in his first year of practice, finally emerged from his cocoon of liberalism as a fully developed Republican.  When asked to...
polypharmacy

Primary Care Docs Happily Handing Out Z-Pak Prescriptions to Coronavirus Patient

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CHICAGO, IL—Citing decades’ worth of experience using the drug to treat all types of viral respiratory infections, the nation’s primary care physicians (PCPs) are leading the charge against the novel coronavirus by turning to...

86-Year-Old Man Finally Passes Swallowed Gum from Childhood

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CINCINNATI, OH – Last Tuesday, against all odds, 86-year-old Gerald Reynolds, finally passed gum swallowed during his childhood.  Experts everywhere have stressed to children, at a young age, that "if you swallow that gum,...

Justin Timberlake: I’m Bringing Measles Baaaack

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Recently Justin Timberlake announced to the world that he is not planning to vaccinate his child.  Evidently all the scientific evidence looks different behind those sexy eyes.  Like other celebrity anti-vaxxers, Justin is so adamantly...