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DURHAM, NC – Researchers at Duke University have discovered that a typical 30-day supply of Vicodin or Percocet has a 95.3% chance of running out between Friday at 2:00 p.m. and Sunday morning despite only taking up less than 2/7ths of the week.  “We were really quite shocked at these results,” head researcher Donald Weis told reporters.

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“Hmm, why do these narcotics run out on the weekend so much?”

“If we were to prescribe our placebos to patients at 1-2 pills 4-6 hours apart, the distribution is equal across an entire week.  When the placebos were exchanged with narcotics the laws of statistics were broken.  We saw that 95.3% run out on the weekend with the majority happening Friday evening and Saturday night.”

This comes to no surprise to most primary care providers who are bombarded with narcotic refills on Friday 3:30 p.m.

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