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SAVANNAH, GA – In breaking news to Gomerblog, patient Edward Jacobs has just aced his cardiac exam, the transthoracic echocardiogram specifically, becoming the first patient in history to achieve of a perfect ejection fraction (EF) of 100%.

ejection fraction EF 100%
“You must’ve had a GPA of 4.0 in college, no?”

“It’s amazing because I didn’t study or anything,” Jacobs explained, who was admitted for further work-up of shortness of breath and edema.  “What’s funny is that I’ve never been a straight-A student either, so this is really exciting for me!”

Evelyn Mattis, the cardiologist who read the echocardiogram, said she has never seen a TTE like this in her life.  She seen some EFs of 65, even 70 percent.  But 100?

“If you look here,” Mattis explained while showing us her images of her left ventricle, “he squeezes out every ounce of blood in that left ventricle.  I never thought I’d live to see the day: an EF of 100%.  Wow, that’s remarkable!  Jacobs, he’s just tremendously gifted.”

Jacobs’ feat puts him in the same elite category as Baby Samantha, who scored perfect Apgar scores of 10 and 10 back in 2014.

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
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